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Let these funny Detest Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I have three kinds of friends:
those who love me,
those who pay no attention to me,
and those who detest me.
- Nicolas De Chamfort
I detest racialism, because I regard it as a barbaric thing,
whether it comes from a black man or a white man.
- Nelson Mandela
Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong
The probability that we may fail
in the struggle ought not to deter us
from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
- Abraham Lincoln
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From one point of view, one individual's vote
doesn't make any difference whatsoever.
The probability of an election swinging
by a single vote is infinitesimal.
On the other hand, if everybody took the attitude
that voting didn't matter, there could never
be a democratically elected government - at all.
So, does your vote matter? You bet your vote matters.
And, at least as much as your vote matters,
your intention for the future of the world matters.
That's so important, it's worth saying again.
At Least As Much As Your Vote Matters,
Your Intention For The Future Of The Entire World Matters.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.