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Let these funny Deserves Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserves your love and affection.
- The Buddha
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
- Albert Einstein
Loyalty to country ALWAYS.
Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.
- Mark Twain
Forgiving others is a gift to yourself,
given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy
that comes from releasing resentment and anger,
and from embracing universal forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital.
Capital is only the fruit of labor,
and could never have existed if labor had not first existed.
Labor is the superior of capital,
and deserves much the higher consideration.
- Abraham Lincoln
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe
Forgive those who have injured you -
not because they deserve your forgiveness,
but because you can never be happy
until you release your anger and grant forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Deserve Victory.
- Terry Goodkind
Those who deny freedom to others
deserve it not for themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln
They who can give up essential liberty
to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin
A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.
- Joseph Joubert
Genius is the power to labor better and more availably.
Deserve thy genius: exalt it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone
who is more deserving of your
love and affection than you are yourself,
and that person is not to be found anywhere.
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe
deserve your love and affection.
- The Buddha
We are all "neighbors."
Our world has gotten too small for us to be anything else.
We can no longer have "us" and "them" - friends and enemies.
A person from Iraq, or Russia, or Columbia is
no more a stranger or enemy than a person from across town.
A few people everywhere are troublemakers.
Every religion provokes a few people to become extremists.
Do we need police around the globe? Unfortunately, we always will.
Do we need war? Does that question even deserve an answer?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I no doubt deserved my enemies,
but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
- Walt Whitman
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.