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Let these funny Depart Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates
Friendship is but another name for an alliance
with the follies and the misfortunes of others.
Our own share of miseries is sufficient:
why enter then as volunteers into those of another?
- Thomas Jefferson
To accuse others for one's own misfortunes
is a sign of want of education.
To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.
To accuse neither oneself nor others
shows that one's education is complete.
- Epictetus
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
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Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Distance cannot matter - ours is a friendship of the heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache;
do be my enemy - for friendship's sake.
- William Blake
True friendship is never serene.
- Marquise de Sevigne
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
True friendship is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
- Charles Caleb Colton
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Wishing to be friends is quick work,
but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.
- Aristotle
Fame is the scentless sunflower, with gaudy crown of gold;
But friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
A friendship that can end never really began.
- Publilius Syrus
It is the first law of friendship
that it has to be cultivated.
The second is to be indulgent
when the first law is neglected.
- Voltaire
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
However rare true love may be,
it is less so than true friendship.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Friendship that flows from the heart
cannot be frozen by adversity,
as the water that flows from the spring
cannot congeal in winter.
- James Fenimore Cooper
Friendship is all about Mutuality,
neither Individuality nor Singularity.
- Aparna Chatterjee
Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
- George Jean Nathan
Friendship with one's self is all important,
because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
"How do you spell 'love'?" asked Piglet.
"You don't spell it...you feel it." answered Pooh.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn
I have friends in overalls
whose friendship I would not swap
for the favor of the kings of the world.
- Thomas A. Edison
One measure of friendship consists
not in the number of things friends can discuss,
but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
- Clifton Fadiman
Friendship is always a sweet responsibility,
never an opportunity.
- Khalil Gibran
Business, you know, may bring money,
but friendship hardly ever does.
- Jane Austen
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.