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Funny Damn Quotes
Funny Quotes about Damn

Let these funny Damn Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

There are three types of lies -
lies, damn lies, and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
- David Farragut


 

I hate facts.
I always say the chief end of man is to form general propositions -
adding that no general proposition is worth a damn.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day;
wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.
- Elbert Hubbard

My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding


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I didn't know a damn thing about style.
- Michael Bergin

Americans seem sometimes to believe that if you are
a thinker you must be a frowning bore,
because thinking is so damn serious.
- Jacques Maritain

I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate -
it's apathy.
It's not giving a damn.
- Leo Buscaglia

I don't care a damn for your loyal service when you think I am right;
when I really want it most is when you think I am wrong.
- John Monash

Damn you villains, who are you? And from whence came you?
- Edward Teach

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable
right to make a damn fool of himself.
- John Ciardi

Once women are not excluded, I don't think any of us
will give a damn what pronouns are used.
That wasn't the point.
- Holly Near

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another;
it's one damn thing over and over.
- Edna St.
Vincent Millay

The only thing I like more than my wife is my money,
and I'm not about to lose that to her and her lawyers,
that's for damn sure.
- Jon Bon Jovi

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
- Andrew Johnson

You have to be damn certain you're putting something better in its place.
- Jonathan Dimbleby

I never could make out what those damn dots meant.
- Randolph Churchill

I don't know much about Americanism,
but it's a damn good word with which to carry an election.
- Warren G. Harding

I don't know what they'll say when I die.
I don't give a damn, but they'll probably cry.
- Marcel Carne

I'm so gullible.
I'm so damn gullible.
And I am so sick of me being gullible.
- Lana Turner

Damn your principles!
Stick to your party.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Maybe I'm not a great man but I damn well want to break the record.
- Roger Maris

There are two golden rules for an orchestra:
start together and finish together.
The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between.
- Thomas Beecham

You've got to have something to eat and a little love
in your life before you can hold still for any damn
body's sermon on how to behave.
- Billie Holiday

There was a while when I was feeling like,
'Damn, if I'd just been born black, I would not have to go through all this'.
- Eminem

Sigmund Freud was a novelist with a scientific background.
He just didn't know he was a novelist.
All those damn psychiatrists after him,
they didn't know he was a novelist either.
- John Irving

I know nothing of God or the Devil.
I have never seen a vision nor learned a secret that
would damn or save my soul.
- Anne Rice

God will not damn a lunatic's soul.
He knows that the powers of evil are too great for
those of us with weak minds.
- Garrett Fort

People don't seem to understand that it's a damn war out there.
- Jimmy Connors

I think that the online world has actually brought books back.
People are reading because they're reading the damn screen.
That's more reading than people used to do.
- Bill Murray

I don't live in as much fear as I used to.
I'm not afraid of the music business.
Life is too damn short.
I know what's important, and the tasks are very clear.
- Kathy Mattea

We ought to be beating our chests every day.
We ought to look in the mirror, stick out our chests,
suck in our bellies, and say, 'Damn,
we're Americans,' and smile.
- Jay Garner

I've met them down in the Cost and Accounting Department,
clean-shaven and in white collars.
They can't see a damn thing ridiculous about themselves...
only about you.
- Jean Shepherd

When I was 20, I didn't give a damn about song construction.
I just wanted to make as much noise and play as fast and as loud as possible.
- Ritchie Blackmore

You don't have to tell anybody a damn thing you don't want to.
- Mink Stole

I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm damn well gonna do it!
- Geri Halliwell

In Canada, nobody is ever overthrown because nobody gives a damn.
- Mordecai Richler

No member of our generation who wasn't a Communist
or a dropout in the thirties is worth a damn.
- Lyndon B. Johnson

I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when
I could have been out there loving someone.
Don't make that mistake yourself.
Life's too damn short.
- Armistead Maupin

Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world,
except money.
- Johnny Cash

You can be fat and love yourself.
You can be fat and have a great damn personality.
You can be fat and sew your own clothes.
But you can't be fat and healthy.
- Susan Powter

Ninety percent of video game AI really is pretty damn bad.
I think that's actually why it's so much fun to shoot things.
Because the AI is so bad and the characters are so annoying.
- Matthew Perry

Sex without love is a meaningless experience,
but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
- Woody Allen

I wouldn't go up on a stage now if you paid a thousand
dollars for one minute of acting.
It's a nasty experience.
You're up there all by yourself.
You're so damn exposed.
- Elia Kazan

I'm far from being god, but I work god damn hard.
- Jay Z

One day a whole damn song fell into place in my head.
- Billie Holiday

I don't want to be Babe Ruth.
He was a great ballplayer.
I'm not trying to replace him.
The record is there and damn right I want to break it,
but that isn't replacing Babe Ruth.
- Roger Maris

When I get my hands on painting materials I don't give
a damn about other people's painting...
every generation must start again afresh.
- Maurice de Vlaminck

Damn referees, I'll miss them less than anybody.
- Abe Lemons

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
- Huey Long

I will interview bigwigs if I get the chance,
but you are seldom surprised by people in power -
you've got to get awfully damn close to get anything new.
- Joe Sacco

We have the power to do any damn fool thing we want to do,
and we seem to do it about every 10 minutes.
- J. William Fulbright

It's those damn critics again.
- Irwin Shaw

The Harvard Law states: Under controlled conditions of light,
temperature, humidity, and nutrition,
the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
- Larry Wall

Oscar Wilde said the rich and the poor are equal -
they can both sleep under the bridge.
Right? Do they have a right? You're damn right they have a right!
- Al Lewis

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen,
she's twelve.
If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six,
she's damn near fourty.
- Chris Rock

Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say,
and not giving a damn.
- Gore Vidal

I mean people up here aren't stupid,
I'm lower gene pool and I kind of sit in amazement
at watching some of them because they are pretty damn smart.
- Doug Ose

Though by whim, envy, or resentment led,
they damn those authors whom they never read.
- Charles Churchill

Carrying those double tanks around all the time got
to be a little rough on me.
I had to put that damn wetsuit on and take it off,
sometimes three or four times a day.
- Lloyd Bridges

When I split an infinitive, God damn it,
I split it so it will stay split.
- Raymond Chandler

If he wants to blow his head off, let him.
I don't give a damn about Jim Bakker.
- Jessica Hahn

But I always wound up being the damn John,
when I wanted to be the Paul.
- Courtney Love

Besides being a guitar player, I'm a big fan of the guitar.
I love that damn instrument.
- Steve Vai

For me, the great problem growing up in England was
that I had a very narrow concept of what God can be,
and it was damn close to an old man with a beard.
- John Cleese

I'm much too young to feel this damn old.
- Garth Brooks

These poems, with all their crudities,
doubts, and confusions, are written for the love of
Man and in praise of God,
and I'd be a damn' fool if they weren't.
- Dylan Thomas

A damn independent boy; independent as a hog on ice.
- Sam Rayburn

I'll have you understand I am running this court,
and the law hasn't got a damn thing to do with it!
- Sam Ervin


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