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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Cutting Quotes
Funny Quotes about Cutting

Let these funny Cutting Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off
a portion of one's being,
but by integration of the contraries.
- Carl Jung

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death


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Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers,
who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt
to offer a solution everybody can understand.
- Colin Powell


 

We hardly ever realize that we can
cut anything out of our lives,
anytime, in the blink of an eye.
- Carlos Castaneda

The River of Life can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no short cut to achievement.
Life requires thorough preparation -
veneer isn't worth anything.
- George Washington Carver

Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of a creator.
But I don't see it as religion,
which has cut Irish people in two.
I don't see Jesus Christ as being
in any part of a religion.
Religion to me is almost like when God leaves -
and people devise a set of rules to fill the space.
- Bono

This physical world is to our imagination as ice is to water -
pure water forms pure ice - dirty water forms dirty ice.
Consider how much easier it is to purify water before it freezes
than it is to chip the impurities from the solid ice.
So also, it is much easier to purify your thoughts
before they manifest into physical reality,
than to try to cut the cancerous impurities from solid reality
after you have manifested your thoughts into physical form.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The River of Life has no judgments.
The River flows with no concept of good and bad - right and wrong.
The fields and dreams of men may be nourished by the River of Life,
or flooded and covered with silt, and the River just flows.
Men may catch fish and live on the River of Life,
or they may founder in a storm and drown, and the River just flows.
The River of Life is timeless.
It is not unchanging, but it is timeless,
and it changes in its own time.
The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The task of the modern educator
is not to cut down jungles,
but to irrigate deserts.
- C.S. Lewis

Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding
and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The way lies in softness and patience,
as the softest water cuts through the hardest rock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Anger spells dANGER.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous

Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)

I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- H. L. Mencken

I ride my blue polka-dot horse through the byways of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope

I'm saving that rocker for the day
when I feel as old as I really am.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll

I feel coming on a strange disease - humility.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

You may as well laugh at life,
because it's certainly laughing at you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

It's just random chance, baby; get used to it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today, I Tap Dance Across The Stage of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein

Be Deliciously Naughty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau

May You Dance Lightly With Life, and Have a Whimsical Day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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