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Let these funny Cutting Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off
a portion of one's being,
but by integration of the contraries.
- Carl Jung
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers,
who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt
to offer a solution everybody can understand.
- Colin Powell
We hardly ever realize that we can
cut anything out of our lives,
anytime, in the blink of an eye.
- Carlos Castaneda
The River of Life can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is no short cut to achievement.
Life requires thorough preparation -
veneer isn't worth anything.
- George Washington Carver
Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of a creator.
But I don't see it as religion,
which has cut Irish people in two.
I don't see Jesus Christ as being
in any part of a religion.
Religion to me is almost like when God leaves -
and people devise a set of rules to fill the space.
- Bono
This physical world is to our imagination as ice is to water -
pure water forms pure ice - dirty water forms dirty ice.
Consider how much easier it is to purify water before it freezes
than it is to chip the impurities from the solid ice.
So also, it is much easier to purify your thoughts
before they manifest into physical reality,
than to try to cut the cancerous impurities from solid reality
after you have manifested your thoughts into physical form.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life has no judgments.
The River flows with no concept of good and bad - right and wrong.
The fields and dreams of men may be nourished by the River of Life,
or flooded and covered with silt, and the River just flows.
Men may catch fish and live on the River of Life,
or they may founder in a storm and drown, and the River just flows.
The River of Life is timeless.
It is not unchanging, but it is timeless,
and it changes in its own time.
The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The task of the modern educator
is not to cut down jungles,
but to irrigate deserts.
- C.S. Lewis
Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding
and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The way lies in softness and patience,
as the softest water cuts through the hardest rock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Anger spells dANGER.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill
Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- H. L. Mencken
I ride my blue polka-dot horse through the byways of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
I'm saving that rocker for the day
when I feel as old as I really am.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll
I feel coming on a strange disease - humility.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
You may as well laugh at life,
because it's certainly laughing at you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
It's just random chance, baby; get used to it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today, I Tap Dance Across The Stage of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous
He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein
Be Deliciously Naughty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau
May You Dance Lightly With Life, and Have a Whimsical Day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.