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Let these funny Cut Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
The River of Life can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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We hardly ever realize that we can
cut anything out of our lives,
anytime, in the blink of an eye.
- Carlos Castaneda
There is no short cut to achievement.
Life requires thorough preparation -
veneer isn't worth anything.
- George Washington Carver
Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers,
who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt
to offer a solution everybody can understand.
- Colin Powell
Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of a creator.
But I don't see it as religion,
which has cut Irish people in two.
I don't see Jesus Christ as being
in any part of a religion.
Religion to me is almost like when God leaves -
and people devise a set of rules to fill the space.
- Bono
This physical world is to our imagination as ice is to water -
pure water forms pure ice - dirty water forms dirty ice.
Consider how much easier it is to purify water before it freezes
than it is to chip the impurities from the solid ice.
So also, it is much easier to purify your thoughts
before they manifest into physical reality,
than to try to cut the cancerous impurities from solid reality
after you have manifested your thoughts into physical form.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The task of the modern educator
is not to cut down jungles,
but to irrigate deserts.
- C.S. Lewis
The River of Life has no judgments.
The River flows with no concept of good and bad - right and wrong.
The fields and dreams of men may be nourished by the River of Life,
or flooded and covered with silt, and the River just flows.
Men may catch fish and live on the River of Life,
or they may founder in a storm and drown, and the River just flows.
The River of Life is timeless.
It is not unchanging, but it is timeless,
and it changes in its own time.
The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The way lies in softness and patience,
as the softest water cuts through the hardest rock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding
and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Anger spells dANGER.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Today, I Tap Dance Across The Stage of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Is it bigger than breadbox?
- the early television show Twenty Questions
It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.
- Brigitte Bardot
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Self confident independent thinker -
sounds like the makings of a hero.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Everyone is a genius at least once a year;
a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
- Georg Lichtenberg
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Chanting OM is sort of like MOOing backward.
- Anonymous
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau
Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate.
- Anonymous
An architect's most useful tools are
an eraser at the drafting board,
and a wrecking bar at the site.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.
- Katharine Hepburn
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
Why, sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Beware of all enterprises that require a new set of clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.