Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Crying Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I always like walking in the rain,
so no one can see me crying.
- Charlie Chaplin
Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart,
don't know how to laugh either
- Golda Meir
There is a time to cry for those we have lost,
and there is a time to wipe the tears and smile again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
- Anonymous
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.
- Leslie Gore
Cry for the souls of the angry,
for they sleep the troubled sleep of the damned.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare
Be avid.
Create apart from perfection.
Risk failure.
Cover your words with sweat.
Run a little
Touch excruciatingly.
Laugh until you cry.
Dance with your eyes closed.
Care.
Understand you die a little in every moment.
Be Enlivened
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life,
your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.
- Rabindranath Tagore
A loving relationship is one in which
the loved one is free to be himself -
to laugh with me, but never at me;
to cry with me, but never because of me;
to love life, to love himself,
to love being loved.
Such a relationship is based upon freedom
and can never grow in a jealous heart.
- Leo F. Buscaglia
You always feel better when you sing.
Music touches people's hearts.
You know, it doesn't go through your mental capacity,
it just moves you and it will let you cry.
It's worth it doing a show
and when you touch a crowd
and move yourself at the same
- Jewel
When you cry and weep,
when you are miserable,
you are alone.
When you celebrate,
the whole existence participates with you.
Only in celebration
do we meet the ultimate, the eternal.
Only in celebration
do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
- Osho
In most communities it is illegal
to cry "fire" in a crowded assembly.
Should it not be considered serious international misconduct
to manufacture a general war scare
in an effort to achieve local political aims?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If you do not breathe through writing,
if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing,
then don't write, because our culture has no use for it.
- Anais Nin
I Did Not Die
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain,
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
- Anonymous
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.
- Indian Proverb
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Thank you for visiting: Funny Crying Quotes - Funny Quotes about Crying.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.