Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Crises Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Individually, we do have our crises -
mostly from unexpected directions,
but so have all people from all ages.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro 
It is not our place to know the mind of God.
Spirit knows what is best in the long run -
best for each of us individually,
and best for humanity as a whole.
This is often very difficult to accept
when we see war and disease in the world
and experience physical and emotional suffering
in ourselves, our family, and our friends.
I consider this belief in God's infinite power
and ultimate wisdom to be the true test of faith.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If all of us acted in unison as I act individually
there would be no wars and no poverty.
I have made myself personally responsible
for the fate of every human being who has come my way.
- Anais Nin
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Thank you for visiting: Funny Crises Quotes - Funny Quotes about Crises.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.