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Let these funny Crime Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
No crime is so great as daring to excel.
- Winston Churchill
Every optimist moves along with progress and hastens it,
while every pessimist would keep the worlds at a standstill.
The consequence of pessimism in the life of a nation
is the same as in the life of the individual.
Pessimism kills the instinct that
urges men to struggle against poverty,
ignorance and crime, and dries up
all the fountains of joy in the world.
- Helen Keller
Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Fear follows crime, and is its punishment.
- Voltaire
It is incontestable and deplorable
that Negroes have committed crimes;
but they are derivative crimes.
They are born of the greater crimes of the white society.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes
in every waking moment of their lives
to remind them that the lie of their inferiority
is accepted as truth in the society dominating them.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I say to you quite frankly that
the time for racial discrimination is over.
- Jimmy Carter
A true "moral compass" never points toward discrimination.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy
A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up
in our politics and say definite things which mean something,
or whether we shall always go on using generalities
to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal
Whatever you do, do with kindness.
Whatever you say, say with kindness.
Wherever you go, radiate kindness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Say NO to the demands of the world.
Say YES to the longings of your own heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I say NO to the demands of the world.
I say YES to the longings of my own heart.
There is nothing I ever need to have.
There is nothing I ever need to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Humans are allergic to change.
They love to say, "We've always done it this way."
- Grace Hopper
Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Deep in my heart I'm concealing things
that I'm longing to say.
Scared to confess what I'm feeling -
frightened you'll slip away.
- the movie Evita
It's work only if I say it's work,
but it's play if I say it's fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.
- don Miguel Ruiz
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard
Life is a nurturing mother,
when you just remember to say "thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw
What old people say you cannot do,
you try and find that you can.
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau
Everything you say and do,
is a reflection of the inner you.
- Anonymous
We disrespect ourselves and our free-will
whenever we say that we NEED to do something.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A man never knows how to say goodbye;
a woman never knows when to say it.
- Helen Rowland
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
We are injured and hurt emotionally,
not so much by other people
or what they say and don't say,
but by our own attitude and our own response.
- Maxwell Maltz
I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel
The big question is whether you are going to be able
to say a hearty yes to your adventure.
- Joseph Campbell
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
A good-bye is never painful unless
you're never going to say hello again.
- Anonymous
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.
- don Miguel Ruiz
My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
- Epictetus
If the machine of government is of such a nature
that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another,
then, I say, break the law.
- Henry David Thoreau
We are not to give credit to the many,
who say that none ought to be educated but the free;
but rather to the philosophers,
who say that the well-educated alone are free.
- Epictetus
So long as we are loved by others,
I would almost say that we are indispensable;
and no man is useless while he has a friend.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
When the best leader's work is done the people say,
"We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
A reporter is always concerned with tomorrow.
There's nothing tangible of yesterday.
All I can say I've done is
agitate the air ten or fifteen minutes
and then boom - it's gone.
- Edward R. Murrow
Every day is a Perfect Day when I say it is;
and I say that Today is a Perfect Day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today, I say yes to forgiving.
I commit to being for-giving love
and for-giving compassion in all areas of my life.
- Sheri Rosenthal
"Think simple" as my old master used to say -
meaning reduce the whole of its parts
into the simplest terms,
getting back to first principles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Where there is unconditional love,
there is no room for unhappiness.
Whenever I look in the mirror today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
First say to yourself what you would be;
then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus
Mind what people do, not only what they say,
for deeds will betray a lie.
- Terry Goodkind
There is no point at which you can say,
"Well, I'm successful now.
I might as well take a nap."
- Carrie Fisher
Whatever you say, say with kindness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln
The great pleasure in life is doing
what people say you cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say
there are twenty gods or no God.
- Thomas Jefferson
So long as the memory of certain
beloved friends lives in my heart,
I shall say that life is good.
- Helen Keller
Never say or do anything you wouldn't want
to be the last thing you ever said or did.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing I say can explain to you Divine Love
Yet all of creation cannot seem to stop talking about it.
- Rumi
Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.