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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Cosmos Quotes
Funny Quotes about Cosmos

Let these funny Cosmos Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

In all chaos there is a cosmos,
in all disorder a secret order.
- Carl Jung

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


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A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquility.
- Khalil Gibran


 

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous

A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

Vengeance: "It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't die with your music still inside you.
Listen to your intuitive inner voice
and find what passion stirs your soul.
- Wayne Dyer

Choose to soar. Choose to fly your dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

As you awaken,
may your dreams greet you by name,
and may you answer, "Yes!"
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

This is your day to Laugh at Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous

This is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

Grit ruins clam chowder,
but enhances your character.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell

Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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