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Let these funny Convincing Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
If you would convince others,
seem open to conviction yourself.
- Lord Chesterfield
If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right.
Men will believe what they see.
- Henry David Thoreau
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My reading of history convinces me that most bad government
results from too much government.
- Thomas Jefferson
There was a time when a man was so convinced
that the world was round
that he was determined to prove it.
- Ernest Holmes
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
A man is as unhappy as he has convinced himself he is.
- Seneca
We cannot change our past.
We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me
and 90% how I react to it.
- Charles R. Swindoll
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude to me is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money,
than circumstances, than failures, than success,
than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill.
It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past ...
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
And so it is with you ...
we are in charge of our attitudes.
- Charles Swindoll
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney Harris
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time
like dew on the tip of a leaf.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Find a time and place of solitude.
Look into the distance, and into the future.
Visualize the tomorrow you are going to build -
and begin to build that tomorrow, today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot.
- Michael Althsuler
The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools,
but the gentle touches of air and water
working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time.
- Henry David Thoreau
Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Who forces time is pushed back by time;
who yields to time finds time on his side.
- The Talmud
The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins
A time for work, a time for play -
balance in all things.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is only one time that is important - NOW!
It is the most important time because
it is the only time that we have any power.
- Leo Tolstoy
You will never find time for anything.
If you want time you must make it.
- Charles Buxton
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.
Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
- Marie Curie
The way lies in softness and patience,
as the softest water cuts through the hardest rock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is now.
There was never a time when your life was not now,
nor will there ever be.
- Eckhart Tolle
TIME is poisonous construct of our rattlesnake minds.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous
So divinely is the world organized that every one of us,
in our place and time, is in balance with everything else.
- Adam Acone
To say "too busy" is merely
to say "confused priorities."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is a time to cry for those we have lost,
and there is a time to wipe the tears and smile again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A man who dares to waste one hour of time
has not discovered the value of life.
- Charles Darwin
When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them all at once.
You lose them in pieces over time
- the movie Simon Birch
Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with.
It responds like a snail to our impatience,
then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch a breath.
- the movie Simon Birch
Time is an untamed beast
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
This is no time for ease and comfort.
It is time to dare and endure.
- Winston Churchill
Habit is habit,
and not to be flung out of the window by any man,
but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.
- Mark Twain
Urgent? Why?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal.
As spirits they belong to the eternal world,
but as animals they inhabit time.
- C. S. Lewis
If we are not happy and joyous at this season,
for what other season shall we wait and
for what other time shall we look?
- Abdul-Baha
Every time you don't follow your inner guidance,
you feel a loss of energy, a loss of power,
a sense of spiritual deadness.
- Shakti Gawain
When you feel the need to hurry,
remember that everything in life is a CHOICE.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything.
It's the time we spent together that matters,
not how we left it.
- Trey Parker
Life is like an onion:
you peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep.
- Carl Sandburg
Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with..
- the movie Simon Birch
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.