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Let these funny Contagious Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Aggression unopposed becomes a contagious disease.
- Jimmy Carter
Confidence is contagious.
So is lack of confidence.
- Vince Lombardi
Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand,
the spines of others are often stiffened.
- Billy Graham
Man must evolve for all human conflict,
a method which rejects
revenge, aggression and retaliation.
The foundation of such a method is love.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.