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Funny Confucius Quotes
Funny Quotes about Confucius

Let these funny Confucius Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius

Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius PHOTO


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Never impose on others what
you would not choose for yourself.
- Confucius (Ancient Chinese)

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- Confucius

"To know" is to know that you know nothing.
That is the meaning of true knowledge.
- Confucius


 

The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
- Confucius

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed;
if in terms of ten years, plant trees;
if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
- Confucius

Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius

Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
- Confucius

They must often change,
who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.
- Confucius

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
- Confucius

Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius

If you look into your own heart,
and you find nothing wrong there,
what is there to worry about?
What is there to fear?
- Confucius

Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius

Music produces a kind of pleasure
which human nature cannot do without.
- Confucius

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
- Confucius

Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
- Confucius

Study the past, if you would divine the future.
- Confucius

To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind

For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, "It might have been.
- John Greenleaf Whittier

In boundless love as a Christian and as a man
I read through the passage which tells us
how the Lord at last rose in His might
and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple
the brood of vipers and of adders.
- Adolf Hitler

Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy
between the genius and his human qualities
that one has to ask oneself whether
a little less talent might not have been better.
- Carl Jung

The art of acceptance is the art of making someone
who has just done you a small favor
wish that he might have done you a greater one.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

We are never afraid of what is happening in this instant -
It is what MIGHT happen next that frightens us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel

Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton

How many things there are concerning which we might
well deliberate whether we had better know them.
- Henry David Thoreau

It is never too late to become what you might have been.
- George Eliot

It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom.
It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest
might weaken and the wisest might err.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Let's have faith that right makes might;
and in that faith let us, to the end,
dare to do our duty as we understand it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Through humor, you can soften some
of the worst blows that life delivers.
And once you find laughter,
no matter how painful your situation might be,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we are here we might as well dance.
- Anonymous

When I let go of what I am,
I become what I might be.
- Lao Tzu

Essentially all suffering is the result of...
1. Comparing what we have (or don't have) today
... with what we had yesterday.
2. Comparing what we fear we might have (or not have) tomorrow)
... with what we have today.
3. Comparing what we have (or don't have) with what others have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anxiety is love's greatest killer.
It makes one feel as you might
when a drowning man holds unto you.
You want to save him, but you know
he will strangle you with his panic.
- Anais Nin

There is no point at which you can say,
"Well, I'm successful now.
I might as well take a nap."
- Carrie Fisher

What a book a devil's chaplain might write
on the clumsy, wasteful, blundering, low,
and horribly cruel work of nature!
- Charles Darwin

"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

If you want reality to be different than it is,
you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
- Byron Katie

If you want something to be different than it is,
you might as well teach a cat to bark.
Wanting something to be different than it is, is hopeless.
- Byron Katie

In war as in life, it is often necessary
when some cherished scheme has failed,
to take up the best alternative open,
and if so, it is folly not to work for it with all your might.
- Winston Churchill

Bold Light of Spirit:
Out of the darkness and into the light,
Open our eyes and behold such a sight.
Brilliance of day takes the place of the night,
Boldness and courage are swords of His Might.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No stream rises higher than its source.
Whatever man might build, could never
express or reflect more than he was.
He could record neither more nor less
than he had learned of life.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If you tried to give rock and roll another name,
you might call it "Chuck Berry."
- John Lennon

If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it,
I should not mind a bit.
but if a friend of mine had a sorrow
and refused to allow me to share it,
I should feel it most bitterly.
If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me,
I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted
so that I might share in what I was entitled to share.
If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him,
I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation.
- Oscar Wilde

If I were to try to read, much less answer,
all the attacks made on me,
this shop might as well be closed for any other business.
- Abraham Lincoln

I wanted to be a doctor that I might be able to work
without having to talk
because for years I had been giving myself out in words.
- Albert Schweitzer

One cannot have wisdom without perspective,
but once gaining perspective, one attains wisdom.
Wisdom is the ability to view every situation
as each person who is in any way affected
by that situation might view it.
Wisdom benefits from having a knowledge of history,
and therefore a historical perspective,
as well from as having the perspective of imagination -
the realm of the what-might-be
inhabited by futurists and science-fiction writers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I like to talk about a thing I call a "practiced pause."
Just a few moments of pausing allows me
to consider a circumstance and take stock
of what the best direction might be.
Reactions tend to rise from habit and unconsidered action.
A Response is considered and thoughtful.
My actions are my own and I am, singularly,
responsible for what I see, say, feel and exert.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Perspective:
Do you always look at life from the same point-of-view?
Consider viewing a situation as another might view it.
Look from behind, underneath, from the distant heavens.
View the situation as someone of a different religion,
race, or nationality might view it.
Pretend you are an alien from a distant galaxy -
that should be good for a laugh.
Troubles only appear troubling to those close to them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Flying might not be all plain sailing,
but the fun of it is worth the price.
- Amelia Earhart

In many ways, it is easier to be a good giver than a good receiver.
The giver chooses the gift and the timing.
More important, societal and religious traditions
tend to elevate the status of giver and lower the status of receiver.
When the Bible (Acts 20:32-35) speaks of it being
more blessed to give than to receive,
I believe that a better translation might be
"take" rather than "receive," as the context
of that passage is "coveting."
Certainly there is nothing blessed about coveting,
stealing, begging, or demanding,
however the skill of graciously receiving a freely offered gift
is another matter entirely.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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