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Let these funny Compulsion Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A man is truly ethical only when he obeys
the compulsion to help all life which he is able to assist,
and shrinks from injuring anything that lives.
- Albert Schweitzer
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields 
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.