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Funny Completed Quotes
Funny Quotes about Completed

Let these funny Completed Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

There is more value in a very good painting
that is completed and on display,
than in an excellent painting
that is still in the artist's studio,
or perhaps still in his mind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Failure does not exist.
Failure is simply someone else's opinion of how
a certain act should have been completed.
Once you believe that no act must be performed
in any specific other-directed way,
then failing becomes impossible.
- Wayne Dyer

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton


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We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

Always aim at complete harmony
of thought and word and deed.
Always aim at purifying your thoughts
and everything will be well.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is amazing how complete is the delusion
that beauty is goodness.
- Leo Tolstoy


 

A man's interest in a single bluebird
is worth more than a complete but dry list
of the fauna and flora of a town.
- Henry David Thoreau

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

We come this way but once.
We can either tiptoe through life
and hope we get to death without being badly bruised
or we can live a full, complete life achieving
our goals and realizing our wildest dreams.
- Bob Proctor

There are very few human beings who receive the truth,
complete and staggering, by instant illumination.
Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment,
on a small scale, by successive developments,
cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.
- Anais Nin

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes
is a sign of want of education.
To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.
To accuse neither oneself nor others
shows that one's education is complete.
- Epictetus

You are perfect. You are complete.
Your inner voice always knows what to do,
but it is a quiet voice.
You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice -
your inner compass - when you turn down the volume
of your fears, your regrets, your resentments,
and the fear-based advice
your neighbors are so willing to give you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anger and Danger are intimately intertwined.
An angry person is a dangerous person,
whether that person crosses our path
or whether the angry person is ourself.
To complete the anger/danger cycle,
whenever we feel threatened -
when we believe we are in danger -
we tend to exhibit anger as well as fear.
We look for someone to blame for the dangerous situation,
and direct our anger toward them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Prayer:
Lord God, Holy Spirit, Giver of All Light,
Bless and Keep All Those of This World.
Grant Us Your Peace, Your Light, Your Love.
Grant Us Complete Renewal of Body, Mind and Spirit -
Continual Rebirth in Newness of Life.
Let Your Light Shine Upon Us and Be Gracious to Us.
Grant to Each and Every One of Us:
Health, Comfort, Joy, Peace Within Ourselves,
Peace Within Our Families, Peace Within Our Communities,
and Peace among All those This World.
Grant That I May Be an Instrument of Thy Peace.
Grant That I May Radiate Thy Peace, Thy Light, Thy Love,
Thy Healing, Thy Comfort, Thy Joy,
to All Those Around Me and All Those in My Thoughts
This Day and Ever More. AMEN.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Manage the remarkable balance between acting
from your heart and close to your gifts
with completing the obligations
that your labor and tasks require of you.
Leverage opportunity AND seize joy.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Completion:
It is time for the project to be over.
You submitted the proposal, you painted your house,
you passed-in the term paper.
Whatever praise or criticism you received,
it is now time to move on to your next project.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man can never know the kind of loneliness a woman knows.
Man lies in a woman's womb only to gather strength,
he nourishes himself from this fusion,
and then he rises and goes into the world,
into his work, into battle, into art.
He is not lonely. He is busy.
The memory of the swim in amniotic fluid gives him energy, completion.
The woman may be busy too, but she feels empty.
Sensuality for her is not only a wave of pleasure
in which she has bathed,
and a charge of electric joy at contact with another.
When man lies in her womb, she is fulfilled,
each act of love a a taking of man within her,
an act of birth and rebirth, of child-bearing and man-bearing.
Man lies in her womb and is reborn each time anew
with a desire to act, to BE.
But for woman, the climax is not in the birth,
but in the moment the man rests inside of her.
- Anais Nin

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

You either do it completely and utterly,
or you should stop doing it.
- Bono (paraphrase)

At the Core of Our Suffering
are those Self-Imposed Limitations (Assumptions)
of which We are Completely Unaware.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

Being part of the natural world reminds me
that innocence isn't ever lost completely;
we just need to maintain our goodness to regain it.
- Jewel

Innocence isn't ever lost completely;
we just need to maintain our goodness to regain it.
- Jewel

If you are absolutely without mind,
just pure consciousness,
time stops completely,
disappears,
leaving no trace behind.
- Osho

During life, none of us is 100% open to Spirit -
we have too much ego to do that.
Only at death do we give up our ego and completely open to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake
is to be continually thrown out of the nest.
- Pema Chodron

I forgive myself completely for having created stories of suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The obscure we see eventually.
The completely obvious,
it seems, takes longer.
- Edward R. Murrow

Could you risk believing that everything
will unfold just fine if you completely let go
of all concern about everything else,
and simply are here, now - if only for a moment?
- Dmitri Bilgere

If humanity does not opt for integrity we are through completely.
It is absolutely touch and go.
Each one of us could make the difference.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Expectation (demand) is always a cause of suffering.
Rather than "expecting" to be repaid
when we "loan" something to someone,
consider the "loans" we make to be forward payments
for the "loans" we received from
our ancestors, nurturers and others.
Request that any "loan" that we make be repaid FORWARD,
when the recipient is able,
and then completely forget about the "loan."
It is no longer our business if, when, or how
the "loan" is repaid - or is not repaid.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A man who was completely innocent,
offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others,
including his enemies,
and became the ransom of the world.
It was a perfect act.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I forgive myself completely
for having created stories of suffering.
I forgive myself for all
my angers, resentments, jealousies,
and all the other emotions of suffering.
I have unbounded compassion for myself
at all times and under all circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Too often the great decisions are originated and given form
in bodies made up wholly of men, or so completely dominated
by them that whatever of special value women
have to offer is shunted aside without expression.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Quotations are slippery things, really.
A brief sentence or phrase, often repeated -
always completely out of its original context -
and sometimes not an accurate representation
of the author's original words, let alone his intentions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
- Lao Tzu

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil;
but it needs a little much of letters and phone calls
and small, silly presents every so often -
just to save it from drying out completely.
- Pam Brown

The greatest battle of all is simply... Life.
This is no child's game. This is the big one -
the Super Bowl - the Game of all games.
The rules of Life are unwritten and unknown.
Perhaps, one could say that there are no rules.
The Judge has ultimate power.
She can call the game at any time - for any reason.
The penalties in the Game are completely arbitrary -
in both timing and severity.
Penalty for what, we ask?
The Judge is silent.
How can I win the Game?
"You can never win," comes the answer,
"So just take pleasure in playing the Game."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau

Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I always avoid prophesying beforehand,
because it is a much better policy to prophesy
after the event has already taken place.
- Winston Churchill

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill

Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

Naturally, the common people don't want war ...
but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy,
and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along,
whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship,
or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought
to the bidding of the leaders.
That is easy. All you have to do is tell them
they are being attacked,
and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism
and exposing the country to danger.
It works the same in every country.
- Hermann Goering

How you respond to the challenge in the second half
will determine what you become after the game,
whether you are a winner or a loser.
- Lou Holtz

A friendship will be young after the lapse of half a century;
a passion is old at the end of three months.
- Madame Swetchine

A nation that continues year after year
to spend more money on military defense
than on programs of social uplift
is approaching spiritual doom.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Measures must always, in a progressive society,
be held superior to men, who are after all,
imperfect instruments, working for their fulfillment.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith

Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau

Success seems to be largely a matter
of hanging on after others have let go.
- William Feather

I look for what needs to be done.
After all, that's how the universe designs itself.
- R. Buckminster Fuller


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.