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Let these funny Compare Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.
- Lao Tzu
Be simply yourself and don't compare or compete.
- Lao Tzu
Instead of comparing our lot with that
of those who are more fortunate than we are,
we should compare it with the lot
of the great majority of our fellow men.
It then appears that we are among the privileged.
- Helen Keller
What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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To know the whole world is nothing
when it is compared to knowing your own inner mystery of life.
- Osho
Let everyone try and find that
as a result of daily prayer
he adds something new to his life,
something with which nothing can be compared.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong
When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard,"
I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?
- Sydney Harris
Essentially all suffering is the result of...
1. Comparing what we have (or don't have) today
... with what we had yesterday.
2. Comparing what we fear we might have (or not have) tomorrow)
... with what we have today.
3. Comparing what we have (or don't have) with what others have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do the best you can. Be proud of your accomplishments -
without comparing yourself to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No occupation is so delightful to me as the culture of the earth,
and no culture comparable to that of the garden.
- Thomas Jefferson
Women must pay for everything.
They do get more glory than men for comparable feats,
but, they also get more notoriety when they crash.
- Amelia Earhart
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.