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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Comedy Quotes
Funny Quotes about Comedy

Let these funny Comedy Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Comedy keeps the heart sweet.
- Mark Twain

Life is not a tragedy, it is a comedy.
To be alive means to have a sense of humor.
- Osho


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Just as in the comedies, a person who is in love
with the idea of love sees prospective partners
through the lens of idealism.
The reaction is, "This must be the one.
They are so perfect - the match of my dreams."
Is that person they just met a perfect match?
It's unlikely their friends think so.
So what happened? That person with the cute smile
was not much more than a mirror for the hopes and dreams
of the one in love with love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin


 

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2

I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch

The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II

Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson

Dumbo! C'mon, fly! Open them ears!
The magic feather was just a gag!
You can fly! Honest, you can!
- Timothy Q. Mouse in the movie Dumbo

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone,
"it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
- Lewis Carroll

Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

Just because I don't care,
doesn't mean I don't understand.
- Matt Groening's TV series The Simpsons.

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

Just once in a while, let us exalt
the importance of ideas and information.
- Edward R. Murrow

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers

Some days just go to Hell faster than others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It's just random chance, baby; get used to it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous

I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's all a game anyway, so just change the rules.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

And you would accept the seasons of your heart
just as you have always accepted
that seasons pass over your fields
and you would watch with serenity
through the winters of your grief.
- Khalil Gibran

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
- Larry David

The art of acceptance is the art of making someone
who has just done you a small favor
wish that he might have done you a greater one.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Without zest, what is life?
Just waiting for death?
- Osho

I'm not a genius.
I'm just a tremendous bundle of experience.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Make a conscious choice to live
a serene and stress-free life.
Stress is always waiting just outside your door
like a vicious wild-dog.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the uneducated an A is just three sticks.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

We'll be friends until forever, just you wait and see.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

We did not change as we grew older;
we just became more clearly ourselves.
- Lynn Hall

Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away.
- the movie Shrek 2

Hold on... Joyfully.
Holding-on does not have to be
a desperate teeth-gritting kind of holding-on.
Holding-on can be a joyful
"this is just the nature of Life,
so I may as well enjoy it"
kind of holding-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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