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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Coffee Quotes
Funny Quotes about Coffee

Let these funny Coffee Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea;
but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln

What does coffee and donuts have to do with God?
- the movie Simon Birch (1998)

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older,
I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
- Bill Cosby


 

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup,
only less filling.
- Dave Barry

Do you know how many calories are in butter and cheese
and ice cream? Would you get your dog up in the morning
for a cup of coffee and a donut?
- Jack LaLanne

If i had known... i would have lingered
over my coffee a little longer.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


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We live in an instant-coffee world.
Sometimes real-world solutions take a little longer.
- Mike Conaway

Performance art can be produced in a coffee house setting.
- Jack Bowman

I like my coffee like I like my women.
In a plastic cup.
- Eddie Izzard

I never worked in a coffee shop and I don't drink coffee,
so I never thought I would become a coffee pusher on TV.
- Scott Patterson

I don't know how people live without coffee,
I really don't.
- Martha Quinn

I work full-time in a used bookstore.
I get up.
I drink a cup of coffee.
I think, The last thing I want to do is write.
Then I go to the computer and write.
- Kate DiCamillo

I'll quit coffee.
It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight,
but I'll get used to it.
It'll still be the best part of waking up.
- Megan Mullally

When traveling with someone, take large does of patience
and tolerance with your morning coffee.
- Helen Hayes

It is surely easier to confess a murder over a cup
of coffee than in front of a jury.
- Friedrich Durrenmatt

I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped
me to establish my professional identity.
Before that, whenever I was at a meeting,
someone would ask me to get coffee.
- Bella Abzug

Coffee on an airplane always smells bad.
Whenever it is served, suddenly the whole cabin stinks of it.
- Jonathan Carroll

It's funny to me that people find other people getting
coffee really interesting,
or walking their dog in the dog park.
- Jake Gyllenhaal

I see the same coffee table everywhere.
It's mass marketing.
- Douglas Wilson

I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee
and look out at my beautiful garden,
and I go, 'Remember how good this is.
Because you can lose it.'
- Jim Carrey

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.
- Alphonse Allais

Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
- Christopher Fry

Starbucks represents something beyond a cup of coffee.
- Howard Schultz

I like cappuccino, actually.
But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.
- David Lynch

Probably millions of Americans got up this morning with a cup of coffee,
a cigarette and a donut.
No wonder they are sick and fouled up.
- Jack LaLanne

When I get up, I have a cup of coffee,
surf the Internet, then do a half-hour run.
- Katarina Witt

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.
- T. S. Eliot

I bought an espresso maker and coffee maker and make them myself every day.
- Utada Hikaru

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
- Steven Wright

Americans are making coffee a bigger part of their lives,
expanding attitudes and behaviors that are driving
new levels of consumption.
- Robert Nelson

A 41-inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you
more than a cup of coffee -
a lot more.
- Jayne Mansfield

Cocaine is like really evil coffee.
- Courtney Love

I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.
- Jennifer Lopez

I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.
- Burt Lancaster

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.
- Mae West

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

That's a big deal for kids, when they come into the
kitchen and the teacher is drinking coffee with mom.
They react differently on the next day when you say:
'Sit down and shut-up!'
- Ed O'Neill

They say you can smoke 400 cigs a day and drink 20 cups of coffee,
but you can't have a line or a drink again.
- Ron Wood

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
- Paul Erdos

Politics now is rather like going into Starbucks for a coffee.
- Rory Bremner

Coffee and cigarettes, that's one of my weaknesses.
- Jason Behr

Natalie's estate is handled by Global Icons,
and they police the world so her picture isn't on a
T-shirt or coffee cup unless we approve of it.
- Robert Wagner

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full
cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
- Jean Kerr

It is the folly of too many to mistake the echo of
a London coffee-house for the voice of the kingdom.
- Jonathan Swift

But I love New York.
I used to set my alarm clock when I was there,
and get up at 4am and get a coffee, just because I could.
- Gail Porter

A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning,
as if supported by the rays of the sun,
a bird settled on the fire escape,
joy in the task of coffee,
joy accompanied me as I walked.
- Anais Nin

Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances,
including me, feel about 25, unless we haven't had our coffee,
in which case we feel 107.
- Martha Beck

Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions.
- Lara Flynn Boyle

I always have coffee without sugar, you know.
Just cream.
- Vincente Minnelli

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- Steven Wright

Television is not real life.
In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
- Bill Gates

The Monmouth Coffee Shop is the best place in London.
- Kyle MacLachlan

I'm here to tell you the coffee was hot,
the orange juice was cold, New York's still there and Reagan National is back.
- Jim Gilmore

Moving from chair to chair, from coffee machine to
coffee machine is the limit of my action in most films.
But I enjoy being cast in them because I love watching them.
- Stephen Fry

Once you wake up and smell the coffee,
it's hard to go back to sleep.
- Fran Drescher

Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon.
- Jilly Cooper

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started
until I've had that first,
piping hot pot of coffee.
Oh, I've tried other enemas.
- Emo Philips

So I did quit coffee and I did quit smoking.
But I haven't managed that with drinking!
- Sharon Olds

Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline,
the first often tasting like the second.
- Edward Abbey

Starbucks now spends more on health care than it does on coffee beans.
- Will Marshall

I never drink coffee at lunch.
I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.
- Ronald Reagan

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee,
and just as hard.
- Anne Spencer

Well, they're Southern people, and if they know you
are working at home they think nothing of walking right in for coffee.
But they wouldn't dream of interrupting you at golf.
- Harper Lee

Townes van Zandt is the best songwriter in the whole
world and I'll stand on Bob Dylan's coffee table in
my cowboy boots and say that.
- Steve Earle

Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee,
and just as hard to sleep after.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I can't sit around having coffee.
I have all these appointments, and a lot of my friends
sit around having coffee talking about the jobs they didn't get.
- Eva Marie Saint

In the morning we received some very thin coffee.
For lunch we had potato soup with a few pieces of meat in it,
in the evening we had a very thin meat soup with some potatoes in it.
- Leon Askin

There is nothing like being left alone again,
to walk peacefully with oneself in the woods.
To boil one's coffee and fill one's pipe,
and to think idly and slowly as one does it.
- Knut Hamsun

I love going to the feed store and drinking coffee
and talking about how much rain we need.
- Thomas Haden Church

The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a
commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for
that ability than for any other under the sun.
- John D. Rockefeller


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.