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Let these funny Coffee Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea;
but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln
What does coffee and donuts have to do with God?
- the movie Simon Birch (1998)
If i had known... i would have lingered
over my coffee a little longer.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
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A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning,
as if supported by the rays of the sun,
a bird settled on the fire escape,
joy in the task of coffee,
joy accompanied me as I walked.
- Anais Nin
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel
Keep busy - with tasks that inspire you,
motivate you, or please you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If one oversteps the bounds of moderation,
the greatest pleasures cease to please.
- Epictetus
The freedom we are looking for
is the freedom to be ourselves,
to express ourselves. But if we look at our lives
we will see that most of the time
we do things just to please others ...
The worst part is that most of us
are not even aware that we are not free.
- Don Miguel Ruiz
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction
is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please,
or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I don't know the key to success,
but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby
Don't live your life to please other people.
- Oprah Winfrey
That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.
- William J. H. Boetcker
It is the quality of our work which will please God
and not the quantity.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The Moon Cannot Be Stolen:
A thief entered the little hut of a Zen Master,
but discovered there was nothing to steal.
The Zen Master discovered the thief.
"You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler,
"and you should not return empty-handed.
Please take my clothes as a gift."
The thief was bewildered,
but he took the clothes and slunk away.
The Zen Master sat naked, watching the moon.
"Poor fellow," he mused,
"I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
- Traditional Zen Koan
Please know that I am aware of the hazards.
I want to do it because I want to do it.
Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail, their failure must be a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart
I have no dress except the one I wear every day.
If you are going to be kind enough to give me one,
please let it be practical and dark
so that I can put it on afterwards to go to the laboratory.
- Marie Curie
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.
- William Shakespeare
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.