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Funny Clinton Quotes
Funny Quotes about Clinton

Let these funny Clinton Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton

Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton

When we make college more affordable,
we make the American dream more achievable.
- William J. Clinton


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Part of our essential humanity is paying respect to what God gave us
and what will be here a long time after we're gone.
- William J. Clinton

Let me say this as clearly as I can:
No matter how sharp a grievance or how deep a hurt,
there is no justification for killing innocents.
- William J. Clinton

Nothing big ever came from being small.
- William J. Clinton


 

A great democracy does not make it harder to vote than to buy an assault weapon.
- William J. Clinton

You know, everybody makes mistakes when they are president.
- William J. Clinton

Strength and wisdom are not opposing values.
- William J. Clinton

Let us all take more responsibility,
not only for ourselves and our families, but
for our communities and our country.
- William J. Clinton

When I took office, only high energy physicists
had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web...
Now even my cat has its own page.
- William J. Clinton

In the new economy, information, education,
and motivation are everything.
- William J. Clinton

Being human, we are imperfect. That's why we need each other.
To catch each other when we falter.
To encourage each other when we lose heart.
Some may lead; others may follow; but none of us can go it alone.
- Hilary Clinton

There is nothing wrong with America
that cannot be cured with what is right in America.
- William J. Clinton

I like the job. That's what I'll miss the most...
I'm not sure anybody ever liked this as much as I've liked it.
- William J. Clinton

We must teach our children to resolve
their conflicts with words, not weapons.
- William J. Clinton

In today's knowledge-based economy,
what you earn depends on what you learn.
- William J. Clinton

Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think,
and that's the time when they most need to think.
- William J. Clinton

You are the most powerful cultural force in the world.
- William J. Clinton

Every moment wasted looking back
keeps us from moving forward.
- Hilary Clinton

We should not let our response to
the people who disagree with us
be dictated by what they say about us
or even how they treat people we care for.
There has to be a chance that we can find love.
- William J. Clinton

The new rage is to say that the government
is the cause of all our problems,
and if only we had no government, we'd have no problems.
I can tell you, that contradicts
evidence, history, and common sense.
- William J. Clinton

Always aim high, work hard, and care deeply
about what you believe in.
When you stumble, keep faith.
When you're knocked down, get right back up.
And never listen to anyone who says
you can't or shouldn't go on.
- Hilary Clinton

America and Israel share a special bond.
Our relationship is unique among all nations.
Like America, Israel is a strong democracy,
a symbol of freedom, and an oasis of liberty,
a home to the oppressed and persecuted.
- William J. Clinton

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
- William J. Clinton

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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