Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


Funny Clients Quotes
Funny Quotes about Clients

Let these funny Clients Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquility.
- Khalil Gibran

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter


 

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous

Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Grit ruins clam chowder,
but enhances your character.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

Choose to soar. Choose to fly your dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

As you awaken,
may your dreams greet you by name,
and may you answer, "Yes!"
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth

This is your day to Laugh at Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain


Thank you for visiting: Funny Clients Quotes - Funny Quotes about Clients.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.