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Funny Clean Quotes
Funny Quotes about Clean

Let these funny Clean Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Better keep yourself clean and bright;
you are the window through which
you must see the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

I come with an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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I come to life with an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Approach life with an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There are other measures of self-respect for a man,
than the number of clean shirts he puts on every day.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


 

Keep close to Nature's heart...
and break clear away, once in awhile,
and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods.
Wash your spirit clean.
- John Muir

The WAY is Not The Way for You,
Unless You Come With an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Home is our sanctuary, where we:
relax into being ourselves,
play with our inner child,
paint the walls green and pink,
dig in the dirt,
grow something,
love somebody else,
love ourselves even more,
snuggle with a warm blanket on a Sunday afternoon,
hang "go away" on the door whenever we want,
clean and tidy often... or never,
launch from and return to,
are truly ourselves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mind can never be intelligent - only no-mind is intelligent.
Only no-mind is original and radical.
Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action.
The mind gives you a sort of stupor.
Burdened by the memories of the past,
burdened by the projections of the future,
you go on living - at the minimum.
You dont live at the maximum.
Your flame remains very dim.
Once you start dropping thoughts,
the dust that you have collected in the past,
the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young.
Your whole life becomes a flame,
and a flame without any smoke.
That is what awareness is.
- Osho

A fool is one who goes on trusting;
a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
You deceive him, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you.
Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn.
His trust is tremendous; his trust is
so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you.
Whatsoever experience comes to you,
let it happen, and then go on dropping it.
Go on cleaning your mind continuously;
go on dying to the past so you remain in the present here-now,
as if just born, just a babe.
- Osho

A pessimist is never disappointed.
- Jack Cleary

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars,
or sailed to an uncharted land,
or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.
- Helen Keller

An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere,
while the pessimist sees only the red stoplight.
The truly wise person is colorblind.
- Albert Schweitzer

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
- Winston Churchill

Every optimist moves along with progress and hastens it,
while every pessimist would keep the worlds at a standstill.
The consequence of pessimism in the life of a nation
is the same as in the life of the individual.
Pessimism kills the instinct that
urges men to struggle against poverty,
ignorance and crime, and dries up
all the fountains of joy in the world.
- Helen Keller

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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