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Let these funny Civilizing Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We are born princes, and the civilizing process makes us frogs.
- Publilius Syrus
There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations.
- Thomas Jefferson
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I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau
Without adventure civilization is in full decay.
- Alfred North Whitehead
It is not possible for civilization to
flow backwards while there is youth in the world.
Youth may be headstrong,
but it will advance its allotted length.
- Helen Keller
Lack of culture means what it has always meant:
ignoble civilization and therefore imminent downfall.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
If a nation expects to be ignorant and free,
in a state of civilization,
it expects what never was and never will be.
- Thomas Jefferson
Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy
than to imprison a person
or keep him in prison because he is unpopular.
This is really the test of civilization.
- Winston Churchill
I have thought a sufficient measure of civilization
is the influence of good women.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A nation or civilization that
continues to produce soft-minded men
purchases its own spiritual death
on the installment plan.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Lincoln Memorial is related to the toga
and the civilization that wore it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.