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Let these funny Civilized Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations.
- Thomas Jefferson
We are born princes, and the civilizing process makes us frogs.
- Publilius Syrus
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What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau
Without adventure civilization is in full decay.
- Alfred North Whitehead
Lack of culture means what it has always meant:
ignoble civilization and therefore imminent downfall.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy
than to imprison a person
or keep him in prison because he is unpopular.
This is really the test of civilization.
- Winston Churchill
I have thought a sufficient measure of civilization
is the influence of good women.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If a nation expects to be ignorant and free,
in a state of civilization,
it expects what never was and never will be.
- Thomas Jefferson
It is not possible for civilization to
flow backwards while there is youth in the world.
Youth may be headstrong,
but it will advance its allotted length.
- Helen Keller
A nation or civilization that
continues to produce soft-minded men
purchases its own spiritual death
on the installment plan.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Lincoln Memorial is related to the toga
and the civilization that wore it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation
of confusion, misery and death...
I think... peace and tranquillity will return again.
- Anne Frank
The world is more malleable than you think
and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape.
- Bono
The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
- Publilius Syrus
The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould
The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.