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Funny Church Quotes
Funny Quotes about Church

Let these funny Church Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family
belonged to another church.
- Paul Lynde

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill


 

I like the silent church before the service begins,
better than any preaching.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love you when you bow in your mosque,
kneel in your temple, pray in your church.
For you and I are sons of one religion,
and it is the Spirit.
- Khalil Gibran

I learned more stuff in church than I did in the world.
- Al Green


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We went to church every Sunday.
When I was a kid, the only time I sang was around my family.
- Darius Rucker

The cathedral of my God of no church
is the entirety of the universe.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mom and Dad would stay in bed on Sunday morning,
but the kids would have to go to church.
- Lynn Johnston

Your body is the church where Nature asks to be reverenced.
- Marquis de Sade

I feel the same way about solitude as some people
feel about the blessing of the church.
It's the light of grace for me.
I never close my door behind me without the awareness
that I am carrying out an act of mercy toward myself.
- Peter Hoeg

Depressions may bring people closer to the church but so do funerals.
- Clarence Darrow

It is better to go skiing and think of God,
than go to church and think of sport.
- Fridtjof Nansen

My father started me singing in church.
- DeForest Kelley

What I think is that we in the church -
and especially I as an Archbishop -
I'm responsible for maintaining our rules,
and making sure we hold to unity in the Body of Christ.
- George Carey

I like Church furniture.
- Andres Serrano

It is an absolutely unique success of the church community
to have introduced such an epoch-making change,
in just a few years, without having a serious division.
- Hans Kung

I kept quiet for eight years.
I did not want to hurt the church.
- Jessica Hahn

My eyes are wide open to the conflicts within the Church,
but I don't think you can call it schism.
- Richard John Neuhaus

If you say that the history of the Church is a long succession of scandals,
you are telling the truth, though if that is all you say,
you are distorting the truth.
- Gerald Vann

And I definitely wanted to be a writer,
but I felt a duty now, having used up those educational resources,
I felt a duty to the church and my parents to become a priest.
- Thomas Keneally

Anyone who is to find Christ must first find the church.
How could anyone know where Christ is and what faith
is in him unless he knew where his believers are?
- Martin Luther

The whole tone of Church teaching in regard to women is,
to the last degree, contemptuous and degrading.
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

The way to preserve the peace of the church is to preserve its purity.
- Matthew Henry

I was green.
All I knew was to walk my dog and go to church.
- Jessica Hahn

I had said to some pastor that I was having thoughts,
and the church turned on me.
They went to my mom and said, So sorry about your son.
- Jai Rodriguez

A member must say that he is a member of the Unification
Church and that he is the follower of Sun Myung Moon.
If he doesn't have the courage to say it,
he is not worthy of me.
- Sun Myung Moon

The vow of celibacy is a matter of keeping one's word
to Christ and the Church.
a duty and a proof of the priest's inner maturity;
it is the expression of his personal dignity.
- Pope John Paul II

The history of the Church of Rome is a constant leakage
of members into such breakaway cults,
which go on splitting.
- Mary Douglas

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
- Lenny Bruce

I don't go to church regular.
But I pray for answers to my problems.
- Loretta Lynn

Church is the only place where someone speaks to me
and I do not have to answer back.
- Charles de Gaulle

The more I do bookstores, the more people come up to me from church groups.
I spoke at Pittsburg State College and had 2 or 3 ministers
and book groups from a couple of churches.
- Anita Diament

The black groups that boycott certain films would do
better to get the money together to make the films they want to see,
or stay in church and leave us to our work.
- Richard Pryor

It is a thoroughly anti-christian doctrine that the Spirit of God,
and therefore the life and governing power of the Church,
resides in the ministry, to the exclusion of the people.
- Charles Hodge

I challenge you to show me where the saloon has ever helped business,
education, church, morals or anything we hold dear.
- Billy Sunday

Each heartfelt prayer, each Church meeting attended,
each worthy friend, each righteous decision,
each act of service perfomed all precede that goal of eternal life.
- Thomas S. Monson

Hearing Mass is the ceremony I most favor during my travels.
Church is the only place where someone speaks to me
and I do not have to answer back.
- Charles de Gaulle

As the Church is the aggregate of believers,
there is an intimate analogy between the experience
of the individual believer,
and of the Church as a whole.
- Charles Hodge

Is it possible that I am not alone in believing that
in the dispute between Galileo and the Church,
the Church was right and the centre of man's universe is the earth?
- Stephen Vizinczey

I'd like to do my first record I ever made,
A Church, a Courtroom, and Then Goodbye.
- Patsy Cline

I like the aesthetics of the Church.
- Andres Serrano

The purpose of separation of church and state is to
keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife
that has soaked the soil of Europe with blood for centuries.
- James Madison

It is death that goes down to the center of the earth,
the great burial church the earth is,
and then to the curved ends of the universe,
as light is said to do.
- Harold Brodkey

I don't believe there is a separation of church and state.
I think the Constitution is very clear.
The only separation is that there will not be a government church.
- Tom DeLay

Church is great, but I found my church here.
Hugh Hefner has been nothing but a gentleman.
- Jessica Hahn

We are insisting and we will continue to insist that
this faith of the church must continue to be upheld come rain,
come fire.
That is our position.
- Peter Akinola

The city's contradictions and frailties drive me to the church.
The church, in turn, binds my wounds and soothes my troubled heart,
and sends me right back out into the city again.
- Steve Ross

And you know, we'd go to church.
We were Baptists.
And every now and then there'd be a tent would set up,
and it was the Holiness folks.
And we liked their music.
- Mel Tillis

Romanists tell us that the Pope is the vicar of Christ;
that he is his successor as the universal head and
ruler of the Church on earth.
If this is so, he must be a Christ.
- Charles Hodge

The Church, however, is a self-governing society,
distinct from the State, having its officers and laws,
and, therefore, an administrative government of its own.
- Charles Hodge

Others don't want to listen to viewpoints that members of the church have.
- William P. Leahy

Last winter when I was coming home from church one Thursday evening,
I saw somebody run around the house again.
I told my father of that.
- Lizzie Andrew Borden

It is my belief that everything you need to know about
the world can be learned in a church choir.
- Connie Willis

Some will have to cease thinking of the Church as a
memorial association for a deceased clergyman called Christ.
- Stephen Bayne

They're after one world religion and one world government.
That's why they've attacked the Catholic Church so strongly,
to ultimately take control over it by their doctrine.
- Hutton Gibson

If you will stay with the majority of the Twelve Apostles,
and the records of the Church, you will never be led astray.
- Joseph Smith, Jr.

On the day, therefore, when I went to the church to be confirmed,
with a number of others, I suffered extremely from
the reproaches of my conscience.
- Maria Monk

I believe with all my heart that the Church of Jesus
Christ should be a Church of blurred edges.
- George Carey

I belong to a church and I try to do my Christian duty,
so I am against alcohol...
But we need the tax money.
- Walter Allen

In the polls, over 80% support the right to die and
have done for the last 25 years.
Even 80% of practising Catholics and Protestants support it,
plus 76% of Church Times readers.
- Polly Toynbee

My first solo was in church when I was five.
- Suzy Bogguss

We follow the rules laid out in the Bible for running our church.
- William Brewster

And I think my sexuality was heavily repressed by the church,
by the, you know, the design of the mortal sins.
- Thomas Keneally

Usually, it is not my habit to address religious issues on the floor.
I strongly believe in a person's right to religious freedom,
as well as the separation of church and state.
- Alcee Hastings

You may invite the entire 35th Division to your wedding if you want to.
I guess it's going to be yours as well as mine.
We might as well have the church full while we are at it.
- Bess Truman

The early Church had nothing but the Old Testament.
The New Testament lies hidden in the Old;
the Old Testament lies open in the New.
- Randall Terry

And I found both literature and the church very dramatic
presences in the world of the 1950s.
- Thomas Keneally

The number, the industry, and the morality of the priesthood,
and the devotion of the people have been manifestly
increased by the total separation of the church from the state.
- James Madison

But I'll tell you what, there was a lot of farmland
between Falls Church and Washington.
- Jim Fowler


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