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Funny Christmas Quotes
Funny Quotes about Christmas

Let these funny Christmas Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree
is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
- Burton Hills

Every day is Christmas when you are open to receiving love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss

Christmas ... is not a date. It is a state of mind.
- Mary Ellen Chase

To understand this Christmas record,
you have to understand our ministry.
- John Tesh


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According to an ancient Sardinian legend,
the bodies of those who are born on Christmas Eve will
never dissolve into dust but are preserved until the end of time.
- Grazia Deledda

My favorite traditional Christmas movie that I like
to watch is All Quiet on the Western Front.
It's just not December without that movie in my house.
- Tom Hanks

The truth is that our way of celebrating the Christmas
season does spring from myriad cultures and sources,
from St.
Nicholas to Coca-Cola advertising campaigns.
- Richard Roeper

Please to put a nickel, please to put a dime.
How petitions trickle in at Christmas time!
- Phyllis McGinley

Lately I did a film called All I Want for Christmas
and it was well received.
This gave me a new point of view and a new respect
for my work as an actress.
- Sarah Polley

I grew up with the classics.
My mom and I would sit and watch "Singin' in the Rain" and "White Christmas" -
those kind of movies.
- Lucas Grabeel

Christmas isn't a season.
It's a feeling.
- Edna Ferber

I've also committed my time and resources to many local
organizations like Christmas in April,
Catholic Community Services, and Hudson County Meals on Wheels.
- Vincent Frank

Christmas, children, is not a date.
It is a state of mind.
- Mary Ellen Chase

My grandson sees me as Lois on TV every Christmas,
and that scores me points.
- Margot Kidder

Christmas is taken very seriously in this household.
I believe in Father Christmas, and there's no way I'd
do anything to undermine that belief.
- Carol Ann Duffy

Besides the two Christmas things, we've got a about
a dozen new tracks we're working on.
- Chris Frantz

T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
- Clement Clarke Moore

Even though we're a week and a half away from Thanksgiving,
it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
- Richard Roeper

We always had lutefisk for Christmas dinner,
after which Dad read from the Norwegian Bible.
- Peter Agre

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they
want and adults pay for it.
Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want -
and their kids pay for it.
- Richard Lamm

I stone got crazy when I saw somebody run down them
strings with a bottleneck.
My eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and I said that I had to learn.
- Muddy Waters

Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas,
morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays.
Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven.
- April Winchell

I never really did Christmas before.
Christmas Day? I mean - what's that? What's it all
about? I was always flying on Christmas Day.
- Monica Seles

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

'The war in Iraq - if Osama was a Christian -
it's the Christmas present he never would have expected.
- Michael Scheuer

In the United States Christmas has become the rape of an idea.
- Richard Bach

A Christmas Carol is such a fool-proof story you can't louse it up.
- Leonard Maltin

I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas.
- Frank Butler

At Christmas, 'It's a Wonderful Life' makes me cry
in exactly the same places every time,
even though I know it's coming.
- Nicholas Lea

Christmas, my child, is love in action.
Every time we love, every time we give,
it's Christmas.
- Dale Evans

At Christmas play and make good cheer,
for Christmas comes but once a year.
- Thomas Tusser

Our children await Christmas presents like politicians
getting in election returns:
there's the Uncle Fred precinct and the Aunt Ruth district still to come in.
- Marcelene Cox

We never really had any kind of a Christmas.
This is one part where my memory fails me completely.
- Frank McCourt

I don't know of too many double Christmas albums,
so it is something that's new, and hopefully will be fun,
and there's plenty of stuff out there to cut.
- Garth Brooks

I didn't know the full dimensions of forever,
but I knew it was longer than waiting for Christmas to come.
- Richard Brautigan

Christmas is the day that holds all time together.
- Alexander Smith

I think the people who are making Christmas-themed
movies today feel that people are more cynical about Christmas.
There's more of an edge.
- Leonard Maltin

On the whole, I prefer Christmas as an adult than I did as a child.
- Nigella Lawson

So when I was 13, I basically left home and never returned and lived at home again.
I would come home for a week at Christmas and two weeks in the summer only.
- Peter Jurasik

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose
them in time for Christmas.
- Johnny Carson

Actually, my mother and Alfie came for three weeks'
Christmas vacation and stayed for 21 years.
I guess my mother never went back because she was lonely.
- Frank McCourt

I actually share her view and understand her frustration
when any government attempts to ban secular symbols
like Santa Claus or Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer or Christmas lights.
- Steve Israel

I made a French film called "Merry Christmas" which is a very European film.
It's a World War I piece.
- Diane Kruger

Christmas is, of course, the time to be home -
in heart as well as body.
- Garry Moore

I got a guitar when I was about 14, for a Christmas present,
and went from there.
- Robin Trower

I have a musical called Goodbye and Good Luck,
based on a Grace Paley short story.
I also have King Island Christmas, and there are 20
different productions of it this year.
- David Friedman

From the time that I can remember, I worked to make money -
either baby-sitting,
or one year wrapping gifts at a department store at Christmas,
so I could have my own money.
- Christie Hefner

Christmas makes everything twice as sad.
- Doug Coupland

It's hard and sometimes it's scary.
It still amazes my mother.
I went home for Christmas one year and there were fans all over the front lawn,
hoping to see me.
- Luke Perry

Now I'm an old Christmas tree, the roots of which have died.
They just come along and while the little needles fall
off me replace them with medallions.
- Orson Welles

Coming from Chicago, I like a white Christmas.
- Dennis Franz

There's been a concerted effort to steal Christmas.
- Jerry Falwell

Christmas albums are not something you do frequently.
- Isaac Hanson

But Tammy Faye calls me, and Ron Jeremy calls me,
Erik Estrada sends me a Christmas card every year.
- Trishelle Cannatella

There are no strangers on Christmas Eve.
- Adele Comandini

South Park started as a little video Christmas card.
- Joel Hodgson

I love Christmas, not just because of the presents
but because of all the decorations and lights and the warmth of the season.
- Ashley Tisdale

I was thrilled one year when I was younger when not
only did my brothers get hockey sticks for Christmas -
but I did too!
- Nancy Kerrigan

The next thing I wrote was in a writing class at night school.
It was about a poor woman who worked at a dime store
and who was all alone for Christmas in Laurel,
Mississippi.
- Beth Henley

Christmas renews our youth by stirring our wonder.
The capacity for wonder has been called our most pregnant human faculty,
for in it are born our art, our science,
our religion.
- Ralph W. Sockman

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake
Christmas morning and not be a child.
- Erma Bombeck

Christmas is not a time nor a season,
but a state of mind.
To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy,
is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
- Calvin Coolidge

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that
we first make believe a thing is so,
and lo, it presently turns out to be so.
- Stephen Leacock

Windows are as essential to office prestige as Christmas is to retailing.
- Enid Nemy

I don't think Christmas is necessarily about things.
It's about being good to one another,
it's about the Christian ethic, it's about kindness.
- Carrie Fisher

I'm so depressed.
Christmas is the worst of all.
Holidays are terrible, worse than Sundays.
I get melancholia.
- David O. Selznick

Dad bought me a toy drum one Christmas,
and I eventually destroyed it.
I wanted a real drum and he bought me a snare drum.
Dad continued to buy me one drum after the other.
- Keith Thibodeaux

Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings,
all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'.
- Bing Crosby


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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