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Funny Christ Quotes
Funny Quotes about Christ

Let these funny Christ Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We should live our lives as though
Christ were coming this afternoon.
- Jimmy Carter


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I hate to see complacency prevail in our lives
when it's so directly contrary to the teaching of Christ.
- Jimmy Carter

Words which do not give the
light of Christ increase the darkness.
- Mother Teresa

Above all the grace and the gifts
that Christ gives to his beloved
is that of overcoming self.
- St. Francis of Assisi


 

Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of a creator.
But I don't see it as religion,
which has cut Irish people in two.
I don't see Jesus Christ as being
in any part of a religion.
Religion to me is almost like when God leaves -
and people devise a set of rules to fill the space.
- Bono

There is always the danger that we may
just do the work for the sake of the work.
This is where the respect and the love and the devotion come in -
that we do it to God, to Christ,
and that's why we try to do it as beautifully as possible.
- Mother Teresa

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland

Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll

If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

Some years ago I became president of Columbia University
and learned within 24 hours to be ready
to speak at the drop of a hat,
and I learned something more, the trustees were expected
to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does
not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton,
they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
- Carl Sagan

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller

I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller

There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates

I won't miss you.
I will miss who I thought you were.
- Anonymous

If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda

Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande

There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw

I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo

If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things.
- Robert Brault

The word "happiness" would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
- Carl Jung

The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw

Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be,
and you'll help them to become
what they are capable of becoming.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free
and realizing you were the prisoner!
- Max Lucado

All that is necessary to break the spell
of inertia and frustration is this:
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande

We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous

We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow

If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true
were really true, there would be little hope of advance.
- Orville Wright

It is only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth
and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up
that we will begin to live each day to the fullest,
as if it were the only one we had.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Who were you before you put yourself last.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Hide not your talents,
they for use were made.
What's a sundial in the shade?
- Benjamin Franklin

We would never have a word for Joy
if there were no suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have found out in later years that we were very poor,
but the glory of America is that we didn't know it then.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Half of everything you were ever taught is wrong;
the question is which half.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before,
but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God.
- Ram Dass

Look at everything as though you were seeing it
either for the first or last time.
Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.
- Betty Smith

The crops were planted, tended, and harvested -
now the ground lies fallow, awaiting the new planting.
Did the year fail? I think not.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

While they were saying among themselves
it cannot be done, it was done.
- Helen Keller

Follow your bliss and doors will open
where there were no doors before.
- Joseph Campbell

The journey between what you once were
and who you are now becoming
is where the dance of Life really takes place.
- Barbara De Angelis

We act as though comfort and luxury
were the chief requirements of life,
when all that we need to make us really happy
is something to be enthusiastic about.
- Charles Kingsley

If we knew what it was we were doing,
it would not be called research, would it?
- Albert Einstein

Begin each day as if it were on purpose.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"I wonder what Piglet is doing," thought Pooh.
"I wish I were there to be doing it, too."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I thought then, and I think now, that the invasion of Iraq
was unnecessary and unjust.
And I think the premises on which it was launched were false.
- Jimmy Carter


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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