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Funny Children Quotes
Funny Quotes about Children

Let these funny Children Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Let parents bequeath to their children
not riches, but the spirit of reverence.
- Plato

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Never raise your hand to your children -
it leaves your midsection unprotected.
- Robert Orben


 

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
- Samuel Butler

Never have more children than you have car windows.
- Erma Bombeck

Everybody knows how to raise children,
except the people who have them.
- P. J. O'Rourke


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Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

I like children - fried.
- W. C. Fields

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business
in which no cumulative wisdom is gained:
each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
- Bill Cosby

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood,
but it didn't because parenting can only be learned
by people who have no children.
- Bill Cosby

Children, cartoon animals, comedians,
and space aliens can get away with saying
what the rest of us are afraid is true,
but are embarrassed to talk about.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You know the only people who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We will not learn how to live together in peace
by killing each other's children.
- Jimmy Carter

Poets have said that the reason to have children is
to give yourself immortality.
Immortality? Now that I have five children,
my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
- Bill Cosby

Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray

No one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy,
the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child.
The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure.
- Emma Goldman

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet.
We all breathe the same air.
We all cherish our children's future.
And we are all mortal.
- John F. Kennedy

Unlike grown-ups, children have little need to deceive themselves.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens
reflect the kind of care they get.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Treat the earth well.
It was not given to you by your parents,
it was loaned to you by your children.
We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors,
we borrow it from our Children.
- Native American traditional

I married the first man I ever kissed.
When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.
- Barbara Bush

If there were no schools to take the children away
from home part of the time,
the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.
- Edward W. Howe

Studies show that children best flourish when one mom
and one dad are there to raise them.
- John Boehner

Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.
- Gloria Steinem

What is the use of physicians like myself trying to
help parents to bring up children healthy and happy,
to have them killed in such numbers for a cause that is ignoble?
- Benjamin Spock

Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children,
and not for the education of all adults of every age?
- Erich Fromm

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem,
it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.
- David Friedman

I am tortured when I am away from my family,
from my children.
I am horribly guilt-ridden.
- Jessica Lange

If we are to teach real peace in this world,
and if we are to carry on a real war against war,
we shall have to begin with the children.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

He didn't come out of my belly, but my God,
I've made his bones, because I've attended to every meal,
and how he sleeps,
and the fact that he swims like a fish
because I took him to the ocean.
I'm so proud of all those things.
But he is my biggest pride.
- John Lennon

We must teach our children to resolve
their conflicts with words, not weapons.
- William J. Clinton

If we had paid no more attention to our plants than we have to our children,
we would now be living in a jungle of weed.
- Luther Burbank

It is easier for a father to have children than for
children to have a real father.
- Pope John XXIII

Thirteen, 13 children, and I love - I love them all.
And I think I've been a good father to all of them.
- Anthony Quinn

The fundamental defect of fathers, in our competitive society,
is that they want their children to be a credit to them.
- Bertrand Russell

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

There's really no point in having children if you're
not going to be home enough to father them.
- Anthony Edwards

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards
than being a father to my children.
- Bill Cosby

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
- Robert Orben

We expect teachers to handle teenage pregnancy,
substance abuse, and the failings of the family.
Then we expect them to educate our children.
- John Sculley

There are 80 million moms in the United States.
Forty million stay at home with their children.
- Andrew Shue

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
- Charles R. Swindoll

Treat the earth well,
It was not given to you by your parents,
It was loaned to you by your children.
- Native American Proverb

I would be most content if my children grew up to be
the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly
of building enough bookshelves.
- Anna Quindlen

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you,
or they may do it.
- Russell Baker

I hope I am remembered by my children as a good father.
- Orson Scott Card

My children have made me more aggressive about the world
that they're about to inhabit.
- Bono

We must not inflict life on children who will be resented;
we must not inflict unwanted children on society.
- Anne Lamott

We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children
that makes the heart too big for the body.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have also seen children successfully
surmounting the effects of an evil inheritance.
That is due to purity being an inherent attribute of the soul.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Your children need your presence
more than your presents.
- Jesse Jackson

I want to get old gracefully.
I want to have good posture, I want to be healthy and
be an example to my children.
- Sting

Both young children and old people have a lot of time on their hands.
That's probably why they get along so well.
- Jonathan Carroll

From the solemn gloom of the temple
children run out to sit in the dust,
God watches them play and forgets the priest.
- Rabindranath Tagore

You end up as you deserve.
In old age you must put up with the face,
the friends, the health, and the children you have earned.
- Judith Viorst

I don't know if I believe in marriage.
I believe in family, love and children.
- Penelope Cruz

The solution to adult problems tomorrow
depends in large measure upon
how our children grow up today.
- Margaret Mead

Most children threaten at times to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
- Phyllis Diller

Healthy children will not fear life if their elders
have integrity enough not to fear death.
- Erik H. Erikson

I want to rip out his heart and feed it to Lennox Lewis.
I want to kill people.
I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.
- Mike Tyson

The well-being and welfare of children should always be our focus.
- Todd Tiahrt

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children
One is roots, the other is wings.
- Hodding Carter

The thing I enjoyed most were visits from children.
They did not want public office.
- Herbert Hoover

I've told my children that when I die,
to release balloons in the sky to celebrate that I graduated.
For me, death is a graduation.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Children have to be educated, but they have also to
be left to educate themselves.
- Ernest Dimnet


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