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Funny Century Quotes
Funny Quotes about Century

Let these funny Century Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Genius always finds itself a century too early.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friendship will be young after the lapse of half a century;
a passion is old at the end of three months.
- Madame Swetchine

Let the word go forth from this time and place,
to friend and foe alike,
that the torch has been passed
to a new generation of Americans -
born in this century, tempered by war,
disciplined by a hard and bitter peace.
- John F. Kennedy

The Four Stages of Public Opinion
I (Just after publication): The novelty is absurd
and subversive of Religion and Morality.
The propounder both fool and knave.
II (Twenty years later): The Novelty is absolute Truth
and will yield a full and satisfactory
explanation of things in general -
The propounder a man of sublime genius and perfect virtue.
III (Forty years later): The Novelty won't explain
things in general after all, and therefore is a wretched failure.
The propounder a very ordinary person advertised by a clique.
IV (A century later): The Novelty a mixture of truth and error.
Explains as much as could reasonably be expected.
The propounder worthy of all honor
in spite of his share of human frailties,
as one who has added to the permanent possessions of science.
- Thomas Henry [T. H.] Huxley


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Before printing was discovered,
a century was equal to a thousand years.
- Henry David Thoreau

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek


 

The African is my brother but he is
my younger brother by several centuries.
- Albert Schweitzer

I do not believe in the God of the theologians;
but that there is a Supreme Intelligence I do not doubt.
- Thomas Edison

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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