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Let these funny Catholic Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I am not the Catholic candidate for President.
I am the Democratic Party's candidate for President,
who happens also to be a Catholic.
- John F. Kennedy
Do feuds ever end?
Only when both sides shake hands,
and agree that there is no winner, no loser,
only people who have wearied of fighting
and desire to live in peace.
For many years, Northern Ireland was locked
in a murderous and seemingly unending feud.
The key to ending the feud was a shared commitment
that peace was more important than vengeance.
That is always the choice to be made.
The organizers of an April 10, 2009
joint Protestant-Catholic commemoration
of the Northern Ireland dead,
comprised of members of the once-outlawed Sinn Fein
as well as their once-avowed enemies,
referred to, "the terrible, random nature
of death in war and civil conflict."
Some lessons have been learned, many more remain.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm actually starting to like more and more people
who have convictions that are unpopular.
Now at what point does an unpopular conviction
interfere with your own human rights?
Forced female circumcision, for instance.
The Catholic Church's stance on contraception.
The list goes on. You know, God has some really weird kids,
and I find it hard to be in their company most of the time.
- Bono
There are righteous people working
in a whole rainbow of belief systems -
from Hasidic Jews to right-wing Bible Belters
to charismatic Catholics.
- Bono
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All men's souls are immortal,
but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine.
- Socrates
If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one night stand.
- The Righteous Brothers
Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau
Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci
While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln
When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
The revelation of thought takes men
out of servitude into freedom.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson
My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard
I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland
It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher
Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men
is primarily based on mutual trust
and only secondarily on institutions
such as courts of justice and police.
- Albert Einstein
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.
- Abraham Lincoln
Measures must always, in a progressive society,
be held superior to men, who are after all,
imperfect instruments, working for their fulfillment.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We must make it clear that a platform
of "I hate gay men and women'
is not a way to become president of the United States.
- Jimmy Carter
Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau
Men are born to succeed, not to fail.
- Henry David Thoreau
Only free men can negotiate;
prisoners cannot enter into contracts.
Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
- Nelson Mandela
Habits age men before their time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love men and women not for their strength
but their softness,
not for their fullness but their hunger,
not for their plenty but their need.
- Anais Nin
(paraphrase)
Do not pray for easy lives.
Pray to be stronger men.
- John F. Kennedy
Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer
in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
- Helen Keller
I do not believe in a fate that
falls on men however they act;
but I do believe in a fate
that falls on them unless they act.
- The Buddha
Men are what their mothers made them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Men and women are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste
that they hurry past it.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Republicans are men of narrow vision,
who are afraid of the future.
- Jimmy Carter
How could man rejoice in victory
and delight in the slaughter of men?
- Lao Tzu
Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
More men fail through lack of purpose than lack of talent.
- Billy Sunday
In the long run, men hit only what they aim at.
Therefore, they had better aim at something high.
- Henry David Thoreau
The price of apathy towards public affairs
is to be ruled by evil men.
- Plato
Real friendships among men are so rare
that when they occur they are famous.
- Clarence Day
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.