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Let these funny Cases Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung
While it is natural to feel some degree of
need for the approval of others, be careful.
If you find yourself unwilling to
take actions that others disapprove of,
you have lost control of your own life
and have given your destiny to others.
An excessive need-for-approval
is a sign of low self-esteem,
and in severe cases, a condition termed co-dependency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
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All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle,
that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail,
that will to be rightful must be reasonable;
that the minority possess their equal rights,
which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression.
- Thomas Jefferson
Real love is never a selfish emotion.
If you want something from someone -
especially if that something is sex -
what you are feeling is not true love.
True love is about wanting happiness for the person you love -
and not about seeking happiness for yourself.
Fortunately, in most cases our own loving presence
is the greatest gift we can give to a person we love.
Nonetheless, the litmus test of love is knowing
we would choose never to see that person again
if we believed that distance would bring them greater happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
In case you failed to notice,
in case you failed to see,
this is my heart,
bleeding before you,
this is me down on my knees.
- Jewel
Difficulties show men what they are.
In case of any difficulty,
remember that God has pitted you
against a rough antagonist
that you may be a conqueror,
and this cannot be without toil.
- Epictetus
Love interrupts, if you like,
the consequences of your actions,
which in my case is very good news indeed,
because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.
- Bono
Sometimes I think we're alone.
Sometimes I think we're not.
In either case, the thought is staggering.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
It behooves every man who values liberty of conscience for himself,
to resist invasions of it in the case of others:
or their case may, by change of circumstances, become his own.
- Thomas Jefferson
When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Republicans are for both the man and the dollar,
but in case of conflict the man before the dollar.
- Abraham Lincoln
People sort themselves into groups
of happy people and unhappy people
through two different, but complementary mechanisms,
influence and affinity.
I influence those around me
with my emotional state, either happy or unhappy.
At the same time, I feel an affinity
for others who are like me in some way -
in this case by sharing my emotional outlook on life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every citizen should be a soldier.
This was the case with the Greeks and Romans,
and must be that of every free state.
- Thomas Jefferson
He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that.
- John Stuart Mill, On Liberty (1859)
A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon
Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it.
Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return.
Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?
- Epictetus
The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present.
The occasion is piled high with difficulty,
and we must rise with the occasion.
As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.
- Abraham Lincoln
As our case is new, we must think and act anew.
- Abraham Lincoln
Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour
when every one has to throw off his mask?
Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked?
Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight
in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it?
I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others
that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;...
In every man there is something which to a certain degree
prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself;
and this may be the case in so high a degree,
he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life
which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself.
But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love,
and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.
- Soren Kierkegaard
There could be no fairer destiny for any physical theory
than that it should point the way to a more comprehensive theory
in which it lives on as a limiting case.
- Albert Einstein
In my case, Pilgrim's Progress consisted
in my having to climb down a thousand ladders
until I could reach out my hand
to the little clod of earth that I am.
- Carl Jung
Books constitute capital.
A library book lasts as long as a house, for hundreds of years.
It is not, then, an article of mere consumption
but fairly of capital, and often in the case of professional men,
setting out in life, it is their only capital.
- Thomas Jefferson
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
There's a trick to the Graceful Exit.
It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage,
a relationship is over - and to let go.
It means leaving what's over without denying its value.
- Ellen Goodman
The trick is in what one emphasizes.
We either make ourselves miserable,
or we make ourselves happy.
The amount of work is the same.
- Carlos Castaneda
We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled.
The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over
and let the beautiful stuff out.
- Ray Bradbury
The trick is not how much pain you feel -
but how much joy you feel
- Erica Jong
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.