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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Candidates Quotes
Funny Quotes about Candidates

Let these funny Candidates Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Life is magnificent - just as it comes.
Life has no need for fancy clothes, or lipstick.
Life is no pig.
Our life is the greatest gift of all creation.
When we are unhappy with life -
when we are shocked by the stock market,
or dismayed by our choice of political candidates,
let us not lash out in anger.
But also, let us not try to pretty up life
with some lipstick and some party clothes.
See life clearly - no rose colored glasses -
and then CHOOSE to love life.
CHOOSE to be happy, be joyful, be grateful,
be forgiving of everyone and of every act
we believe has hurt us.
Life just "IS."
We get to CHOOSE our relationship with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anything that costs you more hours of effort or worry
than it brings you hours of enjoyment
is a candidate for downsizing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am not the Catholic candidate for President.
I am the Democratic Party's candidate for President,
who happens also to be a Catholic.
- John F. Kennedy

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death


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Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else


 

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

Anyone who can worship a trinity
and insist that his religion is a monotheism
can believe anything.
- Robert A Heinlein

A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
- Henry David Thoreau

"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

The trouble is,
if you don't risk anything,
you risk even more.
- Erica Jong

We cannot change anything until we accept it.
Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.
- Carl Jung

A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
- Erica Jong

People will do anything, no matter how absurd,
to avoid facing their own souls.
- Carl Jung

No one is in control of your happiness but you;
therefore, you have the power to change anything
about yourself or your life that you want to change.
- Barbara De Angelis

Self-pity is our worst enemy
and if we yield to it,
we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller

Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
- Alexander Hamilton

Anything I can not transform
into something marvelous, I let go.
- Anais Nin

You can't do anything about the length of your life,
but you can do something about its width and depth.
- Evan Esar

Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy

Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything.
It's the time we spent together that matters,
not how we left it.
- Trey Parker

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Life is short,
Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly,
Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret
ANYTHING
That makes you smile
- Mark Twain

We cannot change anything until we accept it.
- Carl Jung

Leaders aren't born they are made.
And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.
And that's the price we'll have to pay
to achieve that goal, or any goal.
- Vince Lombardi

We can do anything we want to
if we stick to it long enough.
- Helen Keller

It is hardly possible to build anything,
if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail.
- Lech Walesa

You will never do anything in this world without courage.
It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.
- James Allen

We do not covet anything from any nation except their respect.
- Winston Churchill

You cannot teach a man anything;
you can only help him find it within himself.
- Galileo Galilei

You can have anything you want in life if you
just help enough other people get what they want.
- Zig Ziglar

I am never going to have anything more to do
with politics or politicians.
When this war is over I shall confine myself entirely
to writing and painting.
- Winston Churchill

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful,
for beauty is God's handwriting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Is freedom anything else than the right
to live as we wish? Nothing else.
- Epictetus

We hardly ever realize that we can
cut anything out of our lives,
anytime, in the blink of an eye.
- Carlos Castaneda

The Four Agreements
1.Be impeccable with your word.
2.Don't take anything personally.
3.Don't make assumptions.
4.Always do your best.
- don Miguel Ruiz

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white.
Neither need you do anything but be yourself.
- Lao Tzu

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing,
we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger,
but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
- Robert Cushing

The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm
but because of those who look at it without doing anything.
- Albert Einstein

When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir

If you love it enough, anything will talk with you.
- George Washington Carver

If a warrior is to succeed at anything,
the success must come gently,
with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession.
- Carlos Castaneda

You go against yourself when you
judge or blame yourself for anything
- don Miguel Ruiz

Living in fear of anything is a terrible waste
of what could be a great life.
If you live in fear of losing your job,
either you fear the embarrassment of being jobless,
or you fear the loss of material goods -
house, car, and such.
If you live in fear of losing your stuff and money,
it is clear that they own you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything.
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
- Dale Carnegie

Progress is impossible without change,
and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
- George Bernard Shaw

Use what language you will,
you can never say anything but what you are.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To love what you do and feel that it matters,
how on earth could anything be more fun.
- Katherine Graham

Don't take anything personally.
- don Miguel Ruiz

The most difficult thing is the decision to act,
the rest is merely tenacity.
The fears are paper tigers.
You can do anything you decide to do.
You can act to change and control your life;
and the procedure, the process is its own reward.
- Amelia Earhart

You will never find time for anything.
If you want time you must make it.
- Charles Buxton

Anything Is Possible.
- Anonymous

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.
Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child,
we should first examine it and see whether it is
not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
- Carl Jung

Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.
- Billy Graham

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right,
you'll probably never do much of anything.
- Win Borden

To have done anything just for money
is to have been truly idle.
- Henry David Thoreau

When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Do not wish to be anything but what you are,
and try to be that perfectly.
- St. Francis De Sales

Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution.
That must be maintained, for it is
the only safeguard of our liberties.
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.