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Let these funny Candidate Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Anything that costs you more hours of effort or worry
than it brings you hours of enjoyment
is a candidate for downsizing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am not the Catholic candidate for President.
I am the Democratic Party's candidate for President,
who happens also to be a Catholic.
- John F. Kennedy
Life is magnificent - just as it comes.
Life has no need for fancy clothes, or lipstick.
Life is no pig.
Our life is the greatest gift of all creation.
When we are unhappy with life -
when we are shocked by the stock market,
or dismayed by our choice of political candidates,
let us not lash out in anger.
But also, let us not try to pretty up life
with some lipstick and some party clothes.
See life clearly - no rose colored glasses -
and then CHOOSE to love life.
CHOOSE to be happy, be joyful, be grateful,
be forgiving of everyone and of every act
we believe has hurt us.
Life just "IS."
We get to CHOOSE our relationship with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
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Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.