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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Burns Quotes
Funny Quotes about Burns

Let these funny Burns Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

True Love burns the brightest,
But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.
- Anonymous


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Anger burns, resentment smolders.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Hatred burns the one who hates.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiveness is the cleansing fire
that burns away old regrets and resentments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

Oh my luve is like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June:
Oh my luve is like the melodie,
That's sweetly play'd in tune.
- Robert Burns

It's better to burn out, than to fade away.
- Neil Young

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

Better do a good deed near at home
than go far away to burn incense.
- Amelia Earhart

Yesterday is ashes.
Tomorrow is green wood.
Only today does the fire burn brightly.
- Eskimo Proverb

Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
which I have got a hold of for the moment,
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
- George Bernard Shaw

You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture.
Just get people to stop reading them.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire,
men cannot live without a spiritual life.
- The Buddha

Find a place inside where there's joy,
and the joy will burn out the pain.
- Joseph Campbell

I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
- Jack London

Prayer does not use up artificial energy,
doesn't burn up any fossil fuel, doesn't pollute.
Neither does song, neither does love, neither does the dance.
- Margaret Mead

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget,"
is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.
Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note -
torn in two, and burned up,
so that it never can be shown against one.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Every burned book enlightens the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You have to be an original individual;
you have to find your innermost core on your own,
with no guide, no guiding scriptures.
It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry
you are bound to come to the sunrise.
Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry
has found the sunrise.
Others only believe.
Those who believe are not religious,
they are simply avoiding the great adventure
of religion by believing.
- Osho

The world is a mirror for anger,
which returns to its source as burning torment.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Winners must have two things:
definite goals and a burning desire to achieve them.
- Anonymous

If we want a love message to be heard,
it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning,
we have to keep putting oil in it.
- Mother Teresa

What is to give light must endure the burning.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Great leadership is not the visit of an unexpected fate
but rather a flame which is kept burning
in spite of the winds of risk and opposition.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If you want a love message to be heard,
it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning,
we have to keep putting oil in it.
- Mother Teresa

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

We must become the change we wish to see in the world.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
- Yogi Berra

Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll

The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
- Albert Einstein

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Let there be peace on earth.
And let it begin with me.
- Jill Jackson Miller

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill

The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy,
that the world owes the world more than the world can pay.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

Say NO to the demands of the world.
Say YES to the longings of your own heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The hope of a secure and livable world
lies with disciplined nonconformists
who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde

Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The cleansing fire of Spirit
consumes the troubles of this world.
Feed your concerns to the fire.
Breathe deeply and rejoice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If we cannot now end our differences,
at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
- John F. Kennedy

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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