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Let these funny Bootstraps Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
None of us got where we are solely by
pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.
- Thurgood Marshall
He has all of the virtues I dislike,
and none of the vices I admire.
- Winston Churchill
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Peace, commerce and honest friendship with all nations;
entangling alliances with none.
- Thomas Jefferson 
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None of us is perfect - and that's OK.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Keep your attention focused entirely
on what is truly your own concern,
and be clear that what belongs to others
is their business and none of yours.
- Epictetus
My whole goal is to keep my spirit intact.
If that doesn't happen, none of this is worth it.
- Jewel
None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
- Henry David Thoreau
I am the lord of myself, accountable to none.
- Benjamin Franklin
We are not to give credit to the many,
who say that none ought to be educated but the free;
but rather to the philosophers,
who say that the well-educated alone are free.
- Epictetus
During life, none of us is 100% open to Spirit -
we have too much ego to do that.
Only at death do we give up our ego and completely open to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A friend to all is a friend to none.
- Aristotle
Nature puts no question and answers none which we mortals ask.
She has long ago taken her resolution.
- Henry David Thoreau
Commerce with all nations,
alliance with none,
should be our motto.
- Thomas Jefferson
Fear has its use but cowardice has none.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Believe that none of the effort you put
into coming closer to God is ever wasted -
even if in the end you don't achieve
what you are striving for.
- Rebbe Nachman of Breslov
What you think of me is none of my business.
- Terry Cole-Whittaker
Being human, we are imperfect. That's why we need each other.
To catch each other when we falter.
To encourage each other when we lose heart.
Some may lead; others may follow; but none of us can go it alone.
- Hilary Clinton
The battle for the individual rights of women is one of long standing
and none of us should countenance anything which undermines it.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
There are no guarantees.
From the viewpoint of fear, none are strong enough.
From the viewpoint of love, none are necessary.
- Emmanuel (Pat Rodegast)
None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude.
Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves,
and spend without fear of bankruptcy.
- Fred De Witt Van Amburgh
To be admitted to Nature's hearth costs nothing.
None is excluded, but excludes himself.
You have only to push aside the curtain.
- Henry David Thoreau
Truth is handsomer than the affectation of love.
Your goodness must have some edge to it, else it is none.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Faith is the highest passion in a human being.
Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Liar is a strong word, but we are all liars.
Not in the sense of intentionally speaking untruths,
but in the sense of carrying so much historical
and emotional baggage that none of us is believable.
To lie means to speak an untruth,
and virtually everything that comes out of our mouth
is an untruth - an opinion, an assumption,
a point-of-view based on our past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We may consider each generation as a distinct nation,
with a right, by the will of its majority,
to bind themselves, but none to
bind the succeeding generation,
more than the inhabitants of another country.
- Thomas Jefferson
Thoughtful people seldom share exactly the same opinion -
the same point-of-view.
The wise ones understand that they know nothing -
for virtually none of our experience is truly factual -
and they graciously honor all other opinions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
With Malice toward none, with charity for all,
with firmness in the right,
as God gives us to see the right,
let us strive on to finish the work we are in,
to bind up the nation's wounds.
- Abraham Lincoln
AN INSPIRED LIFE: I HAVE A CHOICE
My key to living an inspired life involves
Embracing my history,
Understanding the function of expectations
and gently learning to have none;
Recognizing the power of attentive and conscious choices.
In all circumstances I acknowledge this,
IN ALL THINGS AND ALL WAYS, I HAVE CHOICE.
My choice resides in my perspective.
While I certainly do not control climate
and markets and roadways and others,
I do control myself and my response
to all those circumstances. I do indeed.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Respect the masterpiece. It is true reverence to man.
There is no quality so great, none so much needed now.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
One can never speak enough of the virtues,
the dangers, the power of shared laughter.
- Francoise Sagan
Courage is the ladder on which all other virtues mount.
- Clare Boothe Luce
A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue,
but the parent of all other virtues.
- Cicero
Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices.
- Benjamin Franklin
What is a weed? A plant whose virtues
have never been discovered.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The virtues, like the Muses, are always seen in groups.
A good principle was never found solitary in any breast.
- The Buddha
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein
The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, "It might have been.
- John Greenleaf Whittier
While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau
The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell
Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy
between the genius and his human qualities
that one has to ask oneself whether
a little less talent might not have been better.
- Carl Jung
Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The road to perdition has ever been
accompanied by lip service to an ideal.
- Albert Einstein
Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
- Satchel Paige
Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton
One never notices what has been done;
one can only see what remains to be done.
- Marie Curie
BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
- Khalil Gibran
The wish for healing has always been half of health.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.