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Let these funny Bitches Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
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Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.