Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Bitch Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton
The most important thing a father
can do for his children
is to love their mother.
- Henry Ward Beecher
Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca
So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare
My father considered a walk among the mountains
as the equivalent of churchgoing.
- Aldous Huxley
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
- William Shakespeare
A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon
The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away.
- the movie Shrek 2
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll
All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
- Walt Disney
Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell
In spite of unseasonable wind, snow
and unexpected weather of all sorts -
a gardener still plants.
And tends what they have planted ...
believing that Spring will come.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore
The secret of making dreams come true
can be summarized in four C's.
They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy;
and the greatest of these is Confidence.
- Walt Disney
You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.
You have to go to them sometimes.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard
Take the initiative - don't wait for life to come to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn
From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.
- Socrates
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind
Being angry is as close as a human being
can come to experiencing hell on earth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman
An invasion of armies can be resisted,
but not an idea whose time has come.
- Victor Hugo
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word happy would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along
with patience and equanimity.
- Carl Jung
Eagles come in all shapes and sizes,
but you will recognize them chiefly by their attitudes.
- E. F. Schumacher
We come nearest to the great
when we are great in humility.
- Rabindranath Tagore
I come to life with an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If I keep a green bough in my heart the singing bird will come.
- Chinese proverb
The full measure of a man is
not to be found in the man himself,
but in the colors and textures that
come alive in others because of him.
- Albert Schweitzer
Have you ever hugged a tree?
Hug a tree, and one day you will come to know
that it is not only that
you have hugged the tree
but that the tree also responds,
the tree also hugs you.
- Osho
Without this playing with fantasy,
no creative work has ever yet come to birth.
The debt we owe to the play of
the imagination is incalculable.
- Carl Jung
When people speak to you about a preventive war,
you tell them to go fight it.
After my experience, I have come to hate war.
War settles nothing.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Great opportunities to help others seldom come,
but small ones surround us every day.
- Sally Koch
Thoughts come clearly while one walks.
- Thomas Mann
We may have all come on different ships,
but we're in the same boat now.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
- Og Mandino
The WAY is Not The Way for You,
Unless You Come With an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
Faith is the highest passion in a human being.
Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver
When I Come To The Edge of the Familiar,
I Spread My Wings and Fly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Success doesn't come to you, you go to it.
- Marva Collins
Thank you for visiting: Funny Bitch Quotes - Funny Quotes about Bitch.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.