Funny Billion Quotes - Funny Quotes about Billion

Funny Billion Quotes
Funny Quotes about Billion

Let these funny Billion Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Training - training is everything; training is all there is to a person.
We speak of nature; it is folly; there is no such thing as nature;
what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training.
We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own;
they are transmitted to us, trained into us.
All that is original in us, and therefore fairly creditable
or discreditable to us, can be covered up and hidden
by the point of a cambric needle, all the rest being atoms
contributed by, and inherited from, a procession of ancestors
that stretches back a billion years to the Adam-clam
or grasshopper or monkey from whom our race has been
so tediously and ostentatiously and unprofitably developed.
And as for me, all that I think about in this plodding sad pilgrimage,
this pathetic drift between the eternities,
is to look out and humbly live a pure and high and blameless life,
and save that one microscopic atom in me that is truly me:
the rest may land in Sheol and welcome for all I care.
- Mark Twain in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker

A Bill of Rights is what the people are
entitled to against every government,
and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inference.
- Thomas Jefferson

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine.
But you have to forgive yourself.
Let go of what's bitter and move on.
- Bill Cosby

To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
- Anonymous (attributed to Bill Wilson, Brandi Snyder and others)

Through humor, you can soften some
of the worst blows that life delivers.
And once you find laughter,
no matter how painful your situation might be,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

It's fine to celebrate success
but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.
- Bill Gates

I don't know the key to success,
but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

Comfort and prosperity have never enriched
the world as much as adversity has.
- Billy Graham

Nothing can bring a real sense of security
into the home except true love.
- Billy Graham

Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand,
the spines of others are often stiffened.
- Billy Graham

God has given us two hands, one to receive with
and the other to give with.
- Billy Graham

Are you feeling stressed and upset?
If so, you are worrying about tomorrow.
Events that have already occurred may cause you regret,
but they only appear to cause worry.
If you just lost your job, you are not worrying about losing your job -
that already happened.
You are worrying about paying your bills and finding a new job.
Those are worries about tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are,
and doing things as they ought to be done.
- Josh Billings

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Funny Quotes about Billion