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Let these funny Behaved Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
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How does it become a man to behave
towards the American government today?
I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
- Henry David Thoreau
If the human race wishes to have a
prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity,
they have only got to behave in a
peaceful and helpful way toward one another.
- Winston Churchill
Consider being more acceptive of your partner's behaviors.
It is unlikely that they are intentionally aggravating you.
Almost always, they are just doing what they think they should do.
Try setting aside your own rules for how they should behave,
and adopt a live-and-let-live attitude.
Your relationship will become stronger and happier if you do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone,
your heart is telling you that you have
not resolved your issues with them.
In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person.
All of this begs the question, how do we forgive?
First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories
about why you behave the way you do.
Stop blaming your behavior on other people
and take responsibility for your emotional reactions.
If you could forgive all the people in your life
who have hurt or wounded you
it would be possible to be in control of your behavior
instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time.
Imagine living life without experiencing
a constant emotional roller-coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy!
That would be bliss!
- Sheri Rosenthal
Know that the true essence of the Golden Rule
is always being compassionate, kind,
generous, and being in service to others.
Compelling others to behave as you wish
them to behave in the name of the
Golden Rule is a corruption of a sacred principle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.