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Let these funny Bands Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
There is nobody in this country who got rich on their own. Nobody. You built a factory out there - good for you. But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory... Now look. You built a factory and it turned into something terrific or a great idea - God bless! Keep a hunk of it. But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."
- Elizabeth Warren
The man who can't dance thinks the band is no good.
- Polish Proverb
Just start dancing and the band will find you.
- Tama Kieves
All we are is dust in the wind.
- the band Kansas
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.