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Let these funny Avoid Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
I always avoid prophesying beforehand,
because it is a much better policy to prophesy
after the event has already taken place.
- Winston Churchill
Avoid popularity if you would have peace.
- Abraham Lincoln
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard
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The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
People will do anything, no matter how absurd,
to avoid facing their own souls.
- Carl Jung
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction
is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please,
or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It is best to avoid the beginnings of evil.
- Henry David Thoreau
Important ideas can come from unexpected places.
We tend to label people - Genius, Idiot,
Socialist, Regressive, Wingnut, Revolutionary, Terrorist.
But it is helpful to remind ourselves to be open
to good ideas - whatever their source.
It is equally important to avoid accepting any idea
merely because we respect that person's
other ideas or accomplishments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This world of ours... must avoid becoming
a community of dreadful fear and hate,
and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid.
- Publilius Syrus
My greatest Power and my greatest Inner Peace come
when I Intend my future, and when I avoid Expecting it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The higher the sun rises, the less shadow it casts;
even so, the greater is the goodness, the less it covets praise;
yet cannot avoid its rewards in honors.
- Lao Tzu
Merely to avoid harming others is not enough.
Earn your place in this world by doing good.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Speak with integrity.
Say only what you mean.
Avoid using your word to speak against yourself
or to gossip about others.
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu
A sloth lives a pretty good life, s-l-o-w-l-y.
Maybe we have something to learn from him.
Some days, being sloth-like may be just what you need
to avoid being consumed by urgency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One should respect public opinion insofar
as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison,
but anything that goes beyond this
is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.
- Bertrand Russell
It is our duty still to endeavor to avoid war;
but if it shall actually take place, no matter by whom brought on,
we must defend ourselves.
If our house be on fire, without inquiring whether
it was fired from within or without,
we must try to extinguish it.
- Thomas Jefferson
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love.
But then one suffers from not loving.
Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer;
to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love.
To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy.
Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love
or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
I hope you're getting this down.
- the movie Love and Death
Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour
when every one has to throw off his mask?
Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked?
Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight
in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it?
I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others
that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;...
In every man there is something which to a certain degree
prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself;
and this may be the case in so high a degree,
he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life
which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself.
But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love,
and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected
in a cosmic religion for the future:
It transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology;
it covers both the natural and the spiritual,
and it is based on a religious sense
aspiring from the experience of all things,
natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity.
- Albert Einstein
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Guilt is only another way of avoiding informed action.
- Audre Lorde
Avoiding danger is no safer
in the long run than outright exposure.
The fearful are caught as often as the bold.
- Helen Keller
Non-violence means avoiding not only external physical violence
but also internal violence of spirit.
You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer
in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
- Helen Keller
When we come into the present,
we begin to feel the life around us again,
but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding.
We must have the courage to face whatever is present -
our pain, our desires, our grief,
our loss, our secret hopes our love -
everything that moves us most deeply.
- Jack Kornfield
You have to be an original individual;
you have to find your innermost core on your own,
with no guide, no guiding scriptures.
It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry
you are bound to come to the sunrise.
Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry
has found the sunrise.
Others only believe.
Those who believe are not religious,
they are simply avoiding the great adventure
of religion by believing.
- Osho
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton
My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca
When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare
My father considered a walk among the mountains
as the equivalent of churchgoing.
- Aldous Huxley
So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
The most important thing a father
can do for his children
is to love their mother.
- Henry Ward Beecher
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
- William Shakespeare
A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon
The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away.
- the movie Shrek 2
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
- Walt Disney
"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll
In spite of unseasonable wind, snow
and unexpected weather of all sorts -
a gardener still plants.
And tends what they have planted ...
believing that Spring will come.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell
The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind
Being angry is as close as a human being
can come to experiencing hell on earth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.
- Socrates
Take the initiative - don't wait for life to come to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.