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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Attributed Quotes
Funny Quotes about Attributed

Let these funny Attributed Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)


 

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again,
but expecting different results.
- Rita Mae Brown, also attributed to Einstein

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
- Bertha Calloway (attributed)

All things share the same breath -
the beast, the tree, the man...
the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports.
- Chief Seattle (attributed)


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When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

Doing an injury puts you below your enemy;
revenging one make you but even with him;
forgiving it sets you above him.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; ...
Forgive them anyway.
- Kent Keith
(often attributed to Mother Teresa, who kept a copy
on the wall of her orphanage)

A lie travels round the world while
truth is putting her boots on.
- French Proverb
(also attributed to Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, and others)

One man with courage makes a majority.
- old saying probably repeated by Andrew Jackson
(falsely attributed to Jefferson)

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
- Thomas Jefferson
(also attributed to Benjamin Franklin and Lord Chesterfield)

Nobody cares how much you know,
until they know how much you care.
- attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, among others,
but probably earlier and anonymous

A democracy is nothing more than mob rule,
where fifty-one percent of the people
may take away the rights of the other forty-nine.
- attributed to Thomas Jefferson

You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- old proverb often attributed to David Lloyd George

A penny saved is a penny earned.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
- Anonymous (attributed to Bill Wilson, Brandi Snyder and others)

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.
- Will Durant (commonly attributed to Aristotle)

When I saw you I fell in love,
and you smiled because you knew.
- commonly but falsely attributed to William Shakespeare

Man does not weave this web of life.
He is merely a strand of it.
Whatever he does to the web,
he does to himself.
- Chief Seattle (attributed)

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein (attributed)

You can fool all the people some of the time,
and some of the people all the time,
but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
- Abraham Lincoln (sometimes attributed to P. T. Barnum)

The copycat effects of media violence,
similar to those previously attributed to westerns,
radio serials and comic books, are easy to exaggerate.
- Hugh Mackay

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
...
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
- attributed to St. Francis of Assisi

At first acoustics attributed to the different sounds
only a limited number of characteristic features.
- Roman Jakobson

Nothing is intrinsically valuable; the value of everything is attributed to it,
assigned to it from outside the thing itself,
by people.
- John Barth

Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.
- commonly but falsely attributed to Dr. Seuss,
this misquote consists of the Bernard Baruch quote,
"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
with additional words added anonymously.

After all, science is essentially international,
and it is only through lack of the historical sense
that national qualities have been attributed to it.
- Marie Curie

Regarding comments attributed to me in the Los Angeles Times -
allegedly made on a bus trip from Germany to Holland in 1998 -
I emphatically denounce such comments as false.
- Paul Crouch

It is therefore not unreasonable to suppose that some
portion of the neglect of science in England,
may be attributed to the system of education we pursue.
- Charles Babbage

Faith:
When you walk to the edge of all the light you have
and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,
you must believe that one of two things will happen:
...
There will be something solid for you to stand upon,
or, you will be taught how to fly
- Patrick Overton - from his book of poems: The Leaning Tree, 1975
[Widely mis-attributed to Barbara J. Winter, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and others]

The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

As the U.S.
trade deficit, and the portion of that deficit attributed to China,
continue to grow, our own economy is at risk of losing
its reputation as a leader in world trade.
- Jo Ann Emerson

Happiness is an imaginary condition,
formerly often attributed by the living to the dead,
now usually attributed by adults to children,
and by children to adults.
- Thomas Szasz

King Louis Philippe once said to me that he attributed
the great success of the British nation in political
life to their talking politics after dinner.
- Benjamin Disraeli

The amount of sophistication varies according to the quality of the medium,
and to the state of the same medium at different times;
it must be attributed in the best cases physiologically to the medium,
intellectually to the control.
- Oliver Joseph Lodge

"Mother Teresa Prayer"
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
... Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
... Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
... Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
... Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
... Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
... Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
... Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
... Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things - only small things with great love.
- although commonly attributed to Mother Teresa,
who kept a copy of this prayer on
the wall of her Calcutta orphanage,
this prayer was actually written by Kent Keith.

Basically, my problem was attributed to stress more than anything.
I don't know what that does and I guess doctors can
tell you that there's chemicals that build up in your
system when you go through a lot of stress and constant stress.
- Mike Ditka

The increasing importance of Sydney must in some measure
be attributed to the flourishing condition of the colony itself,
to the industry of its farmers, to the successful enterprise of its merchants,
and to particular local causes.
- Charles Sturt

A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity.
I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye,
it because most nights I went to bed and slept when
I should have sat up and worried.
- Garson Kanin

There are many men - such as those often to be found among the Indians -
who are refined until they have qualities often attributed to the female sex.
Yet they are men, and strong ones.
- Agnes Smedley

The scientists who do climate research understand that
much of the ever increasing concentration of CO2 in
the atmosphere since 1850 must be attributed to burning
those fossil fuels to produce the energy that drives industrialization.
- John Olver

I think it's a change that I did not intend at the
time but it is clear that,
from The Flower of My Secret on, there is a change in my films.
A lot of the journalists have very generously attributed
this to my growing maturity.
- Pedro Almodovar

I mean, when you've had a problem in your past,
whether it's attributed directly to high cholesterol or not,
you want to lower your cholesterol.
You want to eat healthy.
You want to feel healthy.
You want to have a little more energy.
- Mike Ditka

I guess I had a suspicion of it my entire life without
knowing exactly what it was -
knowing that there was something different about me,
which I attributed to being an artist.
At 11 or 12 I started sort of clarifying for myself.
It took a while.
- Randy Harrison

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
- although attributed to St. Francis of Assisi,
this prayer first appeared (written in French) in 1912

We often attribute 'understanding' and other cognitive
predicates by metaphor and analogy to cars,
adding machines, and other artifacts,
but nothing is proved by such attributions.
- John Searle

The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I have also seen children successfully
surmounting the effects of an evil inheritance.
That is due to purity being an inherent attribute of the soul.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw.
All I am I owe to my mother.
I attribute all my success in life to the moral,
intellectual and physical education I received from her.
- George Washington

I am selfish, but that's an attribute that all artists possess.
- Robert Mapplethorpe

Never attribute to malice, that which can be reasonably explained by stupidity.
- Spider Robinson

To be perfectly just is an attribute of the divine nature;
to be so to the utmost of our abilities,
is the glory of man.
- Joseph Addison

In the land of my birth I cannot vote,
whereas a young person of eighteen can vote.
And why? Because he or she possesses that wonderful biological attribute -
a white skin.
- Desmond Tutu

Living in a tower, however secure it may feel,
is hardly a social attribute.
- Dirk Bogarde

We always take credit for the good and attribute the bad to fortune.
- Charles Kuralt

A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state,
because of our location.
I'm not one though who would attribute it to being man-made.
- Sarah Palin

We are too much accustomed to attribute to a single
cause that which is the product of several,
and the majority of our controversies come from that.
- Marcus Aurelius

I attribute my success to my mental approach to the game.
I have always been a serious student of umpiring.
I enjoy studying rules, situations, and positioning.
- Jim Evans

I attribute the quarrelsome nature of the Middle Ages
young men entirely to the want of the soothing weed.
- Jerome K. Jerome

The innovative spirit was America's strongest attribute,
transforming everything into a brave new world,
but there lingered an insecurity about the arts.
- Arthur Erickson

No attribute of God is more dreadful to sinners than His holiness.
- Matthew Henry

Of course, I also attribute some of my hearing loss
to being in the infantry in World War II.
It's probably a combination of heredity and noise exposure.
- George Kennedy

Every form is a base for colour, every colour is the attribute of a form.
- Victor Vasarely

There's too much tendency to attribute to God the evils
that man does of his own free will.
- Agatha Christie

My best attribute is knowing when not to answer stupid questions.
- Gina Gershon

I argued that I didn't have any of the attributes to pose for cheesecake.
I said I would have to make good on my acting ability,
which was the only attribute I could offer.
- Teresa Wright

People who are in a fortunate position always attribute
virtue to what makes them so happy.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

We cannot attribute to fortune or virtue that which
is achieved without either.
- Niccolo Machiavelli

Modesty used to be considered a natural female attribute.
No more.
- Linda Chavez


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