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Let these funny Attempted Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein
Moral authority is never retained by
any attempt to hold on to it.
It comes without seeking and
is retained without effort.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It is useless for us to attempt to reason a man
out of a thing he has never been reasoned into.
- Jonathan Swift
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Know that life is most joyful when you
neither attempt to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do not attempt to conquer the world with force,
for force only causes resistance.
- Lao Tzu
Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal,
and not in reaching it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I am still amazed at how big, how enormous
a love and mystery God is -
and how small are the minds
that attempt to corral
this life force into rules and taboos,
cults and sects.
- Bono
There should be an honest attempt at the reconciliation
of differences before resorting to combat.
- Jimmy Carter
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?
- Robert H. Schuller
If you get frustrated by some of your family,
focus on the good aspects of your relationship
and attempt to overlook the irritations.
Then give thanks for everyone who plays a part in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"Fair" is not a useful concept.
Life is not "fair."
You can't make life "fair."
You can get angry.
You can complain about life not being "fair."
You can attempt revenge - perhaps violently.
You can inflict great suffering upon yourself
in the name of life being "unfair."
And Life is still not "fair."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I honor you, Hero, for you do not play to the crowd.
You play to your own soul.
An audience of one fills the house with its appreciation and applause.
Others follow you, and may attempt to emulate you,
but that is not why you are a hero.
Fame may smile upon you, or it may not.
The world may cheer your name, or you may be the unknown warrior
who rescued comrades in battle,
or taught a young girl how to shed tears of joy.
Whatever you did, you did not do for fame.
If you had, you would not be a Hero.
You are a Hero for your bold courageous inspired action.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
No culture can live if it attempts to be exclusive.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There is no goodness in attempting to coerce
another person into performing a good deed.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We fear the unknown,
perhaps more than we fear anything else,
and yet we are, at heart, adventurers.
We seek to expand our realm of knowledge and dominion.
Perhaps we are attempting to overcome and crush the unknown,
but our duel with the unknown is such a one-sided clash
that we must know in our hearts
that our adventure is no more than a child's game.
Perhaps we hope that the unknown
is like the darkness of a cave
and that the brief light of our adventurer's candle
can illuminate the entire cave.
Nonetheless, the path of the adventurer
is a path of joy, while the way of fear is one of suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
While most managers spend their time attempting
to predict the future accurately -
and while that's valuable -
the best managers are able to generate a future
which was not going to happen otherwise -
that is, a future which was not predictable.
- Werner Erhard
It's the little things you do
that can make a big difference.
What are you attempting to accomplish?
What little thing can you do today
that will make you more effective?
You are probably only one step away from greatness.
- Bob Proctor
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.