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Funny Attains Quotes
Funny Quotes about Attains

Let these funny Attains Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

One cannot have wisdom without perspective,
but once gaining perspective, one attains wisdom.
Wisdom is the ability to view every situation
as each person who is in any way affected
by that situation might view it.
Wisdom benefits from having a knowledge of history,
and therefore a historical perspective,
as well from as having the perspective of imagination -
the realm of the what-might-be
inhabited by futurists and science-fiction writers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I attain Inner Peace by Intending my future, and never Expecting it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Compassion, in which all ethics must take root,
can only attain its full breadth and depth
if it embraces all living creatures
and does not limit itself to mankind.
- Albert Schweitzer

Don't think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment
without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania.
Appropriate rituals channel your emotions
and life energy toward the light.
Without the discipline to practice them,
you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.
- Lao Tzu


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Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision.
The ability to direct individual accomplishments
toward organizational objectives.
It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.
- Andrew Carnegie

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken

Peace cannot be achieved through violence,
it can only be attained through understanding.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


 

Treat those who are good with goodness,
and also treat those who are not good with goodness.
Thus goodness is attained.
Be honest to those who are honest,
and be also honest to those who are not honest.
Thus honesty is attained.
- Lao Tzu

True happiness... is not attained
through self-gratification,
but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
- Helen Keller

Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly.
It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.
- Henry Ford

Many persons have a wrong idea of
what constitutes true happiness.
It is not attained through self-gratification
but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
- Helen Keller

Life is not easy for any of us.
But what of that?
We must have perseverance
and above all confidence in ourselves.
We must believe that we are gifted for something
and that this thing must be attained.
- Marie Curie

Until the great mass of the people shall be filled
with the sense of responsibility for each other's welfare,
social justice can never be attained.
- Helen Keller

If I am a legend, then why am I so lonely?
- Judy Garland

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence;
then success is sure.
- Mark Twain

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

If everyone demanded peace
instead of another television set,
then there'd be peace.
- John Lennon

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted
with the government of himself.
Can he, then be trusted with the government of others?
Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him?
Let history answer this question.
- Thomas Jefferson

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell

Once you know yourself as a genuine seeker,
and when your own inner chamber is quite enlightened,
then comes the natural unfoldment of pure love and compassion
and a genuine desire to serve others.
- Rod Stryker

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action -
from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Choose wisely - then act decisively. Do it today!
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every human life contains a potential,
if that potential is not fulfilled,
then that life was wasted...
- Carl Jung

Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb

Don't ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau

If you fear making anyone mad,
then you ultimately probe for
the lowest common denominator of human achievement.
- Jimmy Carter

Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser

Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with.
It responds like a snail to our impatience,
then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch a breath.
- the movie Simon Birch

If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Laughter gives us distance.
It allows us to step back from an event,
deal with it and then move on.
- Bob Newhart

Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself.
You will then find out how easy it is to get along.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.
- Henry David Thoreau

Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

First say to yourself what you would be;
then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are
and then wait to hear the answer.
- Anonymous

Affirmation:
I congratulate myself warmly for each accomplishment,
then ask, "What's next?"
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Keep silence for the most part,
and speak only when you must,
and then briefly.
- Epictetus

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are
and then live with that decision.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha

You have to learn the rules of the game.
And then you have to play better than anyone else.
- Albert Einstein

In my country we go to prison first, and then become President.
- Nelson Mandela

If people are good only because they
fear punishment, and hope for reward,
then we are a sorry lot indeed.
- Albert Einstein

I thought then, and I think now, that the invasion of Iraq
was unnecessary and unjust.
And I think the premises on which it was launched were false.
- Jimmy Carter

Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs
when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing,
because it can disappear for a long time,
and then pop back up when you least expect it.
- Lemony Snicket

"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely,
"and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
- Lewis Carroll

Start by doing what's necessary;
then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
- St. Francis of Assisi

When a nation is filled with strife,
then do patriots flourish.
- Lao Tzu

The beauty of facing life unprepared is tremendous.
Then life has a newness, a youth;
then life has a flow and freshness.
Then life has so many surprises.
And when life has so many surprises,
boredom never settles in you.
- Osho

You need to make a commitment,
and once you make it,
then life will give you some answers.
- Les Brown


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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