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Let these funny Assume Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Ever had a bad hair day -
a day when everything seemed to be going wrong?
Perhaps today is a day to soothe your ruffled feathers,
take a deep breath, and reaffirm that
the weight of the world is really not on your shoulders,
unless you choose to assume that burden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We see what we ASSUME we will see.
If you believe the world is evil, you will see evil.
If you believe the world is good, you will see good.
To change how life looks, change how you see life -
change your expectations of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is a unique and special day.
It is unlike any other day you have ever experienced.
If you assume that today is like every other day,
you will never notice today's uniqueness.
If you practice keen awareness, you will get
to savor today's uniquely wonderful qualities.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Truth always rests with the minority,
and the minority is always stronger than the majority,
because the minority is generally formed by those
who really have an opinion,
while the strength of a majority is illusory,
formed by the gangs who have no opinion -
and who, therefore, in the next instant
(when it is evident that the minority is the stronger)
assume its opinion... while truth again reverts to a new minority.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition.
The immature mind often mistakes one for the other,
or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -
in fact, they're almost incompatible;
one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.
Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil.
- Robert Heinlein
When a man assumes a public trust
he should consider himself a public property.
- Thomas Jefferson
My coat and I live comfortably together.
It has assumed all my wrinkles, does not hurt me anywhere,
has moulded itself on my deformities,
and is complacent to all my movements,
and I only feel its presence because it keeps me warm.
Old coats and old friends are the same thing.
- Victor Hugo
Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be an Original, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat, dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions.
All life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better.
What if they are a little coarse,
and you may get your coat soiled or torn?
What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled
in the dirt once or twice.
Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole
for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast
and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat -
dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Rules are mostly made to be broken
and are too often for the lazy to hide behind.
- Douglas MacArthur
Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- H. L. Mencken
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
Ennui has made more gamblers than avarice,
more drunkards than thirst,
and perhaps as many suicides as despair.
- The Buddha
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man.
And man can be as big as he wants.
No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.
- John F. Kennedy
The more laws and order are made prominent,
the more thieves and robbers there will be.
- Lao Tzu
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted,
every hill and mountain shall be made low,
the rough places will be made straight
and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed
and all flesh shall see it together.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache;
do be my enemy - for friendship's sake.
- William Blake
My heroes are the ones who survived doing it wrong,
who made mistakes, but recovered from them.
- Bono
Happiness is not something ready made.
It comes from your own actions.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Regrets are the tears of choices not made
and of good deeds left undone.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior.
- Socrates
A house is made of walls and beams;
a home is built with love and dreams.
- Anonymous
Front yards are not made to walk in, but, at most, through,
and you could go in the back way.
- Henry David Thoreau
It is difficult for the common good to prevail
against the intense concentration
of those who have a special interest,
especially if the decisions are made behind locked doors.
- Jimmy Carter
Necessity never made a good bargain.
- Benjamin Franklin
He who never made a mistake,
never made a discovery.
- Samuel Smiles
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
- Samuel Butler
Calm provides clarity. Pause to consider
the gifts you have been given,
the difference you have made
and the direction in which you are headed.
- Anonymous
Hide not your talents,
they for use were made.
What's a sundial in the shade?
- Benjamin Franklin
Men are what their mothers made them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Money has never made man happy, nor will it,
there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness.
The more of it one has the more one wants.
- Benjamin Franklin
All my life through, the new sights
of Nature made me rejoice like a child.
- Marie Curie
Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler.
- Albert Einstein
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff that life is made of.
- Benjamin Franklin
No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Great acts are made up of small deeds.
- Lao Tzu
Everything is made of light
- don Miguel Ruiz
For the very first time the young are
seeing history being made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead
Thanks to television, for the first time
the young are seeing history made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead
Guilt says I've done something wrong;
... shame says there is something wrong with me.
Guilt says I've made a mistake;
... shame says I am a mistake.
Guilt says what did was not good;
... shame says I am no good.
- John Bradshaw
Does thou love life? Then do not squander time;
for that's the stuff life is made of.
- Benjamin Franklin
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I ...
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost
Anyone who has never made a mistake,
has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
Life is partly what we make it,
and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.
- Tehyi Hsieh
The slavery of fear had made men afraid to think.
But such is the irresistible nature of truth,
that all it asks, and all it wants, is the liberty of appearing.
- Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, 1791
Love doesn't just sit there like a stone;
it has to be made,like bread,
remade all the time, made new.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem.
It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
- Albert Einstein
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein
I can see, and that is why I can be happy,
in what you call the dark, but which to me is golden.
I can see a God-made world, not a manmade world.
- Helen Keller
Animals, whom we have made our slaves,
we do not like to consider our equal.
- Charles Darwin
Leaders aren't born they are made.
And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.
And that's the price we'll have to pay
to achieve that goal, or any goal.
- Vince Lombardi
Friends are born, not made.
- Henry Adams
Everything in Nature contains all the powers of Nature.
Everything is made of one hidden stuff.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every day is a day to take action.
Whatever your choices, take action on those choices.
Taking no action is equally a choice,
just not a choice made from awareness.
Make conscious choices,
and take action on those choices - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My children have made me more aggressive about the world
that they're about to inhabit.
- Bono
When an inner situation is not made conscious,
it appears outside as fate.
- Carl Jung
Almost always, the creative dedicated minority
has made the world better.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.
- John F. Kennedy
Travelers, there is no path.
Paths are made by walking.
- Antonio Machado
Truth cannot be defined,
although it can certainly be experienced.
But experience is not a definition.
A definition is made by the mind,
experience comes through participating.
If somebody asks, "What is a dance?" how can you define it?
But you can dance and you can know the inner feel of it.
God is the ultimate dance.
- Osho
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.