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Let these funny Assert Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin
It cannot be wisdom to assert the truth of one faith over another.
In our troubled world so full of contradictions,
the wise person makes justice his guide and learns from all.
- Akbar the Great (1542-1605)
I offer gentle understanding to myself.
I position myself in love, not fear.
I look behind me with forgiveness.
I look forward with festive anticipation.
I embrace this holy moment and assert,
"Now. This moment is the moment to love,
the moment to serve, the moment to seize
the legacy instead of the small.
Now. Now I will live large, love boldly,
reach to the edges of my unfurled heart and fully enrolled hope.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The past is prophetic in that it asserts loudly
that wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born -
that there is a genetic factor to leadership.
This myth asserts that people simply either
have certain charismatic qualities or not.
That's nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true.
Leaders are made rather than born.
- Warren G. Bennis
Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty
out-values all the utilities of the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The assertion that "all men are created equal"
was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain
and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use.
- Abraham Lincoln
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
Earth laughs in flowers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.
- Anonymous
Give thanks for the rain in your life
which waters the flowers of your soul.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Flowers are Nature's messengers -
reminders of an unspeakable beauty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen
May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
- Irish Blessing
I seldom think about my limitations,
and they never make me sad.
Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times;
but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers.
- Helen Keller
We need to find God, and he cannot
be found in noise and restlessness.
God is the friend of silence.
See how nature - trees, flowers, grass-
grows in silence; see the stars,
the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...
We need silence to be able to touch souls.
- Mother Teresa
The believer's ray of light is the cynic's sunburn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
I am a great believer in luck
and I find that the harder
I work the more I have of it.
- Thomas Jefferson
It's hard to believe, hard to be a believer,
when you see the way the things are in the world.
But I am a believer!
- Bono
The self-assured believer is a greater sinner
in the eyes of God than the troubled disbeliever
- Soren Kierkegaard
I am a firm believer in the people.
If given the truth, they can be depended upon
to meet any national crisis.
The great point is to bring them the real facts.
- Abraham Lincoln
I come from Ireland and I've seen the damage of religious warfare.
I am a believer. I don't wear the badge on the outside
but it is on the inside.
- Bono
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- John Lennon
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Silence is a source of great strength.
- Lao Tzu
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!
- Dr. Seuss
Dare to dream of your great success.
Become intimate with those things
which deeply motivate you
and regularly work toward
the realization of that mission.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Dare to dream of your great success.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness
of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed.
- Albert Einstein
Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell
I have a great deal of company in the house,
especially in the morning when nobody calls.
- Henry David Thoreau
To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard
In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
The great end of life is not knowledge but action.
- Thomas Henry Huxley
Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
No crime is so great as daring to excel.
- Winston Churchill
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Regrets and resentments cause great suffering but fix nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller
Confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks
in great and honorable courses
with a sure hope and trust in itself.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero
Great minds have purposes others have wishes.
- Washington Irving
Before we acquire great power
we must acquire wisdom to use it well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Great acts are made up of small deeds.
- Lao Tzu
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.