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Let these funny Armpit Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius
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"To know" is to know that you know nothing.
That is the meaning of true knowledge.
- Confucius
Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
- Confucius
Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
They must often change,
who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.
- Confucius
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- Confucius
To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius
Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius
The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
- Confucius
Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
- Confucius
Music produces a kind of pleasure
which human nature cannot do without.
- Confucius
If you look into your own heart,
and you find nothing wrong there,
what is there to worry about?
What is there to fear?
- Confucius
Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
- Confucius
Never impose on others what
you would not choose for yourself.
- Confucius (Ancient Chinese)
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
- Confucius
Study the past, if you would divine the future.
- Confucius
If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed;
if in terms of ten years, plant trees;
if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
- Confucius
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.