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Let these funny Anytime Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We hardly ever realize that we can
cut anything out of our lives,
anytime, in the blink of an eye.
- Carlos Castaneda
Your life is the manifestation of your dream;
it is an art.
You can change your life anytime if
you aren't enjoying the dream.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
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Hardly a man in the world has an opinion
upon morals, political, or religion
which he got otherwise than
through his associations and sympathies.
- Mark Twain
Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition.
The immature mind often mistakes one for the other,
or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -
in fact, they're almost incompatible;
one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.
Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil.
- Robert Heinlein
People hardly ever make use of the freedom which they have,
for example, freedom of thought;
instead they demand freedom of speech as a compensation.
- Soren Kierkegaard
It is hardly possible to build anything,
if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail.
- Lech Walesa
Business, you know, may bring money,
but friendship hardly ever does.
- Jane Austen
This overcoming of all the usual barriers
between the individual and the Absolute
is the great mystic achievement.
In mystic states we both become one with the Absolute
and we become aware of our oneness.
This is the everlasting and triumphant mystical tradition,
hardly altered by differences of clime or creed.
- William James
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.