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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Animals Quotes
Funny Quotes about Animals

Let these funny Animals Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Obstacles are like wild animals.
They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can.
If they see you are afraid of them...
they are liable to spring upon you;
but if you look them squarely in the eye,
they will slink out of sight.
- Orison Swett Marden

I Watch Wondrous Cloud Animals Parade My Story.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Children, cartoon animals, comedians,
and space aliens can get away with saying
what the rest of us are afraid is true,
but are embarrassed to talk about.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black


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Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal.
As spirits they belong to the eternal world,
but as animals they inhabit time.
- C. S. Lewis

It's humbling to think that all animals,
including human beings,
are parasites of the plant world.
- Isaac Asimov

Animals, whom we have made our slaves,
we do not like to consider our equal.
- Charles Darwin


 

The greatness of a nation can be judged
by the way its animals are treated.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Cloud Animals: Be a Child Again.
I remember warm summer afternoons,
laying in the shade of a maple tree in the back yard
of my Connecticut home watching the clouds for hours.
As those clouds formed dragons and foxes, clowns and angels,
I traveled across space and time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A man is ethical only when life, as such, is sacred to him,
that of plants and animals as that of his fellow men,
and when he devotes himself helpfully
to all life that is in need of help.
- Albert Schweitzer

Today is my day to practice whimsey,
skip on the beach, and play with the waves,
watch wondrous cloud animals parade my story,
find a magical white bunny down every rabbit hole.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today is your day to practice whimsey,
skip on the beach, and play with the waves,
watch wondrous cloud animals parade your story,
find a magical white bunny down every rabbit hole.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

In the long history of humankind (and animal-kind, too)
those who learned to collaborate and
improvise most effectively have prevailed.
- Charles Darwin

Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness;
however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Experience demands that man is
the only animal which devours his own kind,
for I can apply no milder term to
the general prey of the rich on the poor.
- Thomas Jefferson

There is One Infinite Mind,
which of necessity includes all that is,
whether it be the intelligence in man,
the life in the animal,
or the invisible Presence which is God.
- Ernest Holmes

It is awfully hard to be brave, when you're only a Very Small Animal.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I am a plain ordinary magnificent creation of God,
just like every other plain ordinary
mountain, ocean, tree, animal, and human.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

I don't doubt God. I have firm faith absolutely in God.
It's religion I'm doubting.
- Bono

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Anyone who can worship a trinity
and insist that his religion is a monotheism
can believe anything.
- Robert A Heinlein

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Almost any sect, cult, or religion will
legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power.
- Robert A. Heinlein

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The believer's ray of light is the cynic's sunburn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov

True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon

It ain't those parts of the Bible
that I can't understand that bother me,
it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The invisible and nonexistent look much alike.
- Delos B. McKown

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid

In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
- John Lennon

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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