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Let these funny Alas Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them!
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
No one ever found wisdom without also being a fool.
Writers, alas, have to be fools in public,
while the rest of the human race can cover its tracks.
- Erica Jong
Alas! how little does the memory
of these human inhabitants
enhance the beauty of the landscape.
- Henry David Thoreau
Normally, we do not so much look at things as overlook them.
- Alan Watts
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You have to leave the city of your comfort
and go into the wilderness of your intuition.
What you'll discover will be wonderful.
What you'll discover is yourself.
- Alan Alda
Going nowhere faster will not get you somewhere.
- Alan Cohen
Often it does not matter so much what we choose,
but that we do choose.
- Alan Cohen
You change the past when you change the way you see it.
- Alan Cohen
Since you are the one who has to live with your choices,
be sure they are your own.
- Alan Cohen
If you have to have it, it's ego.
If you have to not have it, it's ego.
Hold life lightly and it will deliver what you need
and release what you don't.
- Alan Cohen
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.