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Funny Actors Quotes
Funny Quotes about Actors

Let these funny Actors Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

It is the quality of the moment,
not the number of days, or events, or of actors, that imports.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Actors are one family over the entire world.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is but one stage for the peasant and the actor.
- Henry David Thoreau


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I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer


 

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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